UC Essay #2
Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud, and how does it relate to the person you are?
Every individual is defined by significant life experiences that shape his or her life. I have defined myself with the characteristics that have been prevalent during the moments of my life that have made me a stronger individual. More specifically, overcoming difficulties in life allow for my most significant development. I had to overcome a difficult situation during my first quarter of college. Not only did this situation contribute to the person I have become today, but it showcased one of my strongest personal qualities: my ability to learn on the fly in over to be able to adapt to situations.
In the Fall of 2010, personal issues demanded for me and my family (mother, father, sister and brother) to live in another family member's house, which already had seven people living there. A total of twelve people living in a single family home called for quick adaptation to a new environment. I no longer had a bed to sleep in, or a quiet place to do homework. I exhausted my resources by staying in the library to study until it closed, and used the shower late at night so I would not bother anyone. Each one of my actions had to be premeditated to not impede on everyone else's busy daily lives. Along with the new responsibility of being a college student, I also started a part time job. All of these new chapters of my accumulated at a critical time; I had to work much harder to keep up with school, work, along with attempting to make living with eleven other family members work in a suitable way. Evident on my transcript, this situation had a negative affect my school work. However, it allowed me to feature a my ability to adapt what life has to give me, that is extremely important in the real world, and is evident in all major life experiences.
I considered my self to be flexible and prepared to take on life's challenges at any given moment. This experience helped reinforce how important it is for me to be able to live in a new environment and not let it significantly affect my daily activities, and how it truly does make me proud that I was still able to handle having a job, going to school and living in uncomfortable, and unusual circumstanced environment. This quality is critical to living in a world after college, when people are no longer sheltered by their parents or guardians; it allows me to take on new challenges, and opens up my opportunity for living in different places.
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE HELP!
I felt like you beat around the bush in your first paragraph. You talk about overcoming a situation, but what situation is that? Even though you stated it in your second para, give the reader a glimpse of what you are going to talk about.
Also, I was told to never use parenthesis in essays =/
I get what you are trying to say in your conclusion but i felt like it was too wordy. Try being more concise?
You could also add more description. For example, tell us what homework you put off so the reader is able to visualize the scene better.