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"I live in Beijing" + to focus on "class knowledge" - Brown Supplement


holdenzhao 2 / 5  
Dec 30, 2010   #1
Prompt: Why are you drawn to the academic fields you indicated in the Anticipated Degree and Interests field? (Enviromental Study)

I live in Beijing, or you can also call it the city of dust. Because every times I look out of the window, all I see is a dusky sky along with the dreariness and frigidness in this freezing winter. Blue, perhaps, is not a word to be related to sky, at least not in Beijing. It is sad to think about one would risk being a "live vacuum cleaner", just by doing some running exercise in the morning.

It reminds me of the words in the book silent spring, "It is an era dominated by industry, in which the right to make a dollar at whatever cost is seldom challenged." I feel that here in Beijing, the gloss and glitter of the metropolitan city have already outmatched the brightness and gleam of the sky. This is why I want to major in environmental study at Brown. I hope one day due to my efforts, the people in my hometown would get a real healthy environment to live in, breathing the fresh air, and enjoying the magnificence of the sky. After all, that's what we all deserve.

Prompt: Please tell us more about your interest in Brown: Why does Brown appeal to you as a college option? Who or what has influenced your decision to apply?

Right from Elementary school, I was told to focus on "class knowledge", which mainly included Math, Chinese, and English. There was even a term to describe books, films, and activities outside of class requirement: "ke wai". And it was not praise.

I never believed it. In junior high I saw the power of words reading my first English novel the catcher in the rye; and in senior high I came through the hardship joining the grade's basketball contest. All these experiences were "ke wai", but they were sources of learning to me.

This is why I choose Brown. Ever since primary school, I have been told what to learn or what not to learn, and yet been blamed for disobedience. But here in Brown, with the open curriculum, it would be me deciding for myself. I can almost see myself deepening the research in my areas of interest, while exploring disciplines that aren't familiar to me. It should be a brand new experience of study that I cherish.

Thx a lot guys!
nritya 6 / 22  
Dec 30, 2010   #2
^I would change the first sentence to "I live in Beijing, otherwise known as the City of Dust. Instead of "every times" it should be "every time," no s. Also, that sentence is a fragment... you need to complete it. Just take out the "because," I suggest. Write, "Every time I look out the window, all I see is a dusty sky, even in the freezing winter. Blue, as one would expect the sky to be, is hardly suitable in Beijing. It's sad to imagine one would become a human vacuum cleaner just by taking a quick jog in the morning. The book Silent Spring comes to mind. Rachel Carson described an era, "dominated by industry, in which the right to make a dollar at whatever cost is seldom challenged," a description eerily reminiscent of Beijing's current state. I feel that here in Beijing, the gloss and glitter of the metropolitan city have already outmatched the brightness and gleam of the sky. By studying Environmental Science at Brown, I hope one day to provide a healthy environment to the people of my hometown. Maybe one day, the people of Beijing will breathe fresh air and enjoy the clear blue skies; after all, that's what we all deserve.

Right from Elementary school, I was told to focus on "class knowledge", which mainly included Math, Chinese, and English. There was even a term to describe books, films, and activities outside of class requirement: "ke wai". And it was not praise. Okay I don't understand this at all. Define ke wai, and just explain this more. I had no idea what you mean by the praise sentence

I never believed use "accepted" instead it. In junior high I saw the power of words reading my first English novel the capitalize titles catcher in the rye; and in senior high I came through the hardship of joining the grade's basketball contest. All these experiences were "ke wai", but they were sources of learning to me.

This is why I choose Brown. Ever since primary school, I have been told what to learn or what not to learn, and yet been blamed for disobedience. But here in Brown, with the open curriculum, it would be me deciding for myselfBut with Brown's open curriculum, I could finally decide for myself. I can almost see myself deepening the research in my areas of interest, while exploring disciplines that aren't familiar to me. It should be a brand new experience of study that I wouldcherish.
MoonCl0ud 3 / 9  
Dec 30, 2010   #3
I live in Beijing, or you as I youcan also call it, the city of dust. Because Every time I look out of the window...

I feel like your sentences describing the ''not-blue'' color of Beijing's sky and the one about running do not connect. Maybe you should be more direct about what color the sky has.

You should underline and capitalize your books: Silent Spring, Catcher in the Rye.

I like your topics and the way you presented them. Keep that writing style.
OP holdenzhao 2 / 5  
Dec 30, 2010   #4
Well thx a lot for the effort!

Actually ke wai is an adjective in Chinese, meaning "irrelevent to class". I thought I had it explained well enough... Well, do you think this is too hard to understand for a native American? Or should I delete the Chinese word and just describe it in English?
nritya 6 / 22  
Dec 30, 2010   #5
no just explain as you just did what it means. you should keep it, it adds a unique little tidbit.
OP holdenzhao 2 / 5  
Dec 30, 2010   #6
thx for your effort!

Well by stating the not-blue color of Beijing's sky I'm trying to prove the severe pollution in the air. And the example of jogging is also trying to emphasize this point. Connect now?
MoonCl0ud 3 / 9  
Dec 30, 2010   #7
Well, I think that saying it's not blue doesnt necessarily mean it's polluted because I live near the ocean and I get a lot of fog and basically, white skies, but it doesn't mean the sky's polluted--it's just fog. Just directly stating the color or just more of a description will give your readers a better visual image of the pollution and connect it to the jogging sentence more clearly.
OP holdenzhao 2 / 5  
Dec 30, 2010   #8
Well you have to consider the fact that Beijing isn't a ocean-adjacent city but a city infamous for its air pollution. But I guess you made a point there, I will change the discription to make it more clear.


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