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"to live a life completely different from my father" - Personal Statement Essay


on1yxon3 1 / -  
Dec 24, 2010   #1
Although I was only 10 years old, I decided that I wanted to live a life completely different from my father.
On a typical Saturday night at Seoul, Korea, my 14 year old brother and I were playing a video game on the Nintendo 64. After a little enjoyment, we began quarreling about who was better and who deserves to select a character first. The conversation heated up quickly, and we began screaming and yelling at each other's faces. During our piercing debate, my father stormed out of his room, slamming the door behind him with a fuming look I had never seen before. Behind his glasses, I could distinguish the intensity and fire in his eyes; I could hear his heavy breathing accelerating and smell his breath which was full of the unpleasant stench of alcohol. His face was crimson as the devil and bursting of inhumanness that was vibrantly portrayed by his insensate expression. In his right hand he was carrying a hammer. Shivering from the diabolic force coming from my father, I quickly sought refuge in my own room. I heard a thunderous smashing noise and I peaked out of my room to see him hammering the game console, shattering it into pieces. After he was finished with the game console, he broke off towards me with the same livid expression. I was so frightened that I ran into my room and took cover under the blankets of my bed. Tears were streaming down my face drenching the pillow. The next second, he pounced on top of me, threw off the blankets, put both his hands to my throat and shouted in a terrorizing tone, "Do you want to die?!"

I do not abhor my father nor do I despise him, but from many recounts of living with my father, I am resolute to live a life unlike his. I'm certain that numerous applicants write on the subject of how much of a role model their father is and how much influence they have on them. My father is not a role model of mine, but he has definitely had a plethora of affect in my life. I now reside in the America alone with my mother while my brother is off at Cornell pursing his engineering studies. My father is currently living alone, unemployed in Korea. His most recent employment was a job he lost 7 years ago, and ever since he hasn't put in effort to obtain a career until the present due to his individual indolence. Being the only man of the house for almost 4 years now, I've learned to work persistently even when alone. Having no one to look up to could be a downturn, but it essentially trained me how to combat my own problems and dilemmas. When I become a father, I am determined to be among those fathers that have been a role model to their children. I am determined to be responsible for the well being my entire family and I am determined to be a father that works diligently through the adversity and misfortune; a father that doesn't give up. This experience with my father taught me various lessons relevant to living life. It taught how to supervise my emotions in all kinds of circumstances, whether I'm feeling resentment or sorrow. It developed me to be an amicable individual who is able get along with others without difficulty. It forced an indomitable idea that I will be assiduously adopting my dream to attend college and come out successful to be the true number one dad loved by his own children. Persistent effort is something my father failed to discover throughout the course of his life, but something I have attained from scrutinizing my father. Giving up is not an option.

peirui422 3 / 4  
Dec 26, 2010   #2
I am determined to be responsible for the well being my entire family and I am determined to be a father that works diligently through fights against the adversities and misfortunes; a father that doesn't give up. This experience with my father taught me various lessons relevant to living life. It taught me how to supervise my emotions in all kinds of circumstances, whether I'm feeling resentment or sorrow. It developed helped me to be an amicable individual who is ablegets along with others without difficulty. It forced an indomitable idea that I will be assiduously adopting living my dream to attend college and come out successful successfully to be the true number one dad loved by his own children.

I love your essay!! Good Job!!
lanes 5 / 33  
Dec 26, 2010   #3
This is SO powerful.
I loved it
the imagery was amazing, I felt like I was in the moment. I think you just need to describe your emotions a little more. What you want to be, and how you know you will never be like your father. Talk about what you want your future to be like, and how it will be different from your childhood with your father.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,335 129  
Jan 5, 2011   #4
...completely different from that of my father.

Use a hyphen: year-old brother and I were playing a video game. on the Nintendo 64. exclude unnecessary details.

I do not abhor my father nor do I despise ---I am starting to think you used a thesaurus when writing this... abhor and despise mean the same thing, so it seems like you are using big words on purpose. Let's take out some of the big words. For example, I do not know what the word insensate means, ha ha. So.. be careful not to let this look like you are deliberately using words that are more complex than necessary.

a plethora of affect effects on my life.

I now reside in the America alone with my mother while my brother is off at Cornell pursing his engineering studies.

Being the only man of the house ---Let's not use this outdated expression. "Man of the house" implies that men can do things women cannot do.

Okay, this essay is well-written and full of emotional energy. It is great, and you are great! If you express compassion for your father, as would an enlightened master, it will be even better. It will also be better if you focus a little more on specifically what you intend to do with your education and profession. Determination not to give up is only helpful if you also have a detailed plan.

:-)


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