Would anyone mind looking over my essay? I'm applying ED to Vassar and would appreciate some constructive criticism. I'm using the fourth prompt on the Common App: describe a place or environment where you are perfectly content. What do you do or experience there, and why is it meaningful to you?
It's no secret to those who know me that I'm shy; I always have been. People assume I will sit quietly in the back of the room and not say a word. But performing has always been different. There is something about being on a stage that just feels right. In those fleeting moments, I know that I don't have to be pigeonholed into high school labels for the rest of my life; performing reminds me that I can feel confident and excited and special. The thrill of performing is hard to quantify- it's an intoxicating rush of emotion that you really only know once you have done it, and it's not something that is easily forgotten.
I had dreamed of being in a play as a child, and four years ago, when I got the chance to audition for a local children's production of Guys and Dolls, I was thrilled. I had enjoyed every minute of the experience up until the hours before the show. Standing backstage, I began to regret my decision. Despite endless hours of rehearsal, there was a possibility that my first performance could be a spectacular failure. I could forget my choreography; I could sing off-key; I could enter in the wrong place at the wrong time. But it was too late- I couldn't quit two minutes before the show started. So I got into my place for the opening number and waited, dreading the moment that the curtains opened up. When I started to sing those first notes, though, I was in for a shock: I felt at once energized and at ease. I didn't fear performing, I actually enjoyed it. I spent the rest of the night on a high, and I couldn't wait for the next night when I would get to do it again.
Everyone is surprised when I tell them that I love to be onstage, and they are even more surprised when they see for themselves how comfortable I am with it. Performing has opened my eyes to something that I truly love, and more importantly, it has allowed me to come out of my shell. When you are onstage, you have to learn how to put yourself out there, a task that was not easy for me. As someone who was content to go unnoticed, I had to work to get to the level of confidence that some people are just born with. But the reward is well worth it: I am developing a new sense of comfort in my own skin, and faith in my talents even beyond this area of my life. Though I first built up my self-esteem through music and theatre, I am learning how to apply it to my life offstage, too.
What really draws me to performing, though, is the connection to others that it gives me. For someone who is admittedly not always an open book, the link to hundreds of other people is what keeps me coming back to the stage. This experience sparked my curiosity about the way people communicate and create relationships, and my interest in this bond is what motivates me to study psychology. I want to learn more about why that connection exists. In addition, I hope that in my studies I can learn how to help others who struggle with self-esteem find their own confidence.
Some people feel at home at the beach or at summer camp or even in a lecture hall, but I am happiest on the stage. Ever since that bit part in Guys and Dolls, I have known that no matter what people think of me, I can be whoever I want to be when I perform. Whether I'm playing a character or singing a song, I stand out as an individual, not just the smart, nice, quiet girl that everyone expects me to be.
Yeah i agree. Overall I think it is great, I don't know about the technicalities of it but is onstage two words? The thing i would perhaps change is the bit about the coming out of your shell part. Obviously i know basically nothing about actual applications and stuff but if I was writing a piece i would try and find a slightly more formal less clichéd way of putting it. Otherwise I think it is a really well written essay. It ready very easily while not being overly facile and tells something unique about you. If i were an admissions person i would be really interested to know more about you as an applicant.
all the best,
the Uk
I really don't know what to say to you. I loved reading it. It's very succinct and I'm not able to find any flaws in it. You should show it to your teacher in school. He/She may be able to sharpen the essay and make it more appealing. Not that it isn't appealing right now, but an expert hand always makes thing look better.
Thank you for your feedback on my essay post!!!
I hope you get into Vassar. I might apply ED to either Vassar or Carleton. Do inform me if you get in.
Once again, thanks and best of luck! :)
There is something about being on a stage and sharing your work with an audience that just feels right. In those fleeting moments, I know that I don't have to be pigeonholed into high school labels for the rest of my life;
There is something special about being on stage and connecting myself with the audience that I just feel right. In those fleeting moments, I know that my soul is not ready to be pigeonholed into high school labels.I love to be onstageon stage
What really draws me to performing, though, is the connection to others that it gives me.
What really get me attracted to performing is the comfort it derives for me to connect with others.