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""You what? You lived in China!" - Common App Essay. is this good enough?

catherineb 4 / 9  
Sep 20, 2009   #1
"You what? You lived in China!" That is usually the reaction I get when people ask me where I lived before I moved to Florida. Yes, I lived in China. I remember, before I moved to China, my family went to a counseling session that explained the changes that we were going to go through. The counselor used a metaphor involving clay to show us how moving would affect us. She took a ball of red clay and said, "This is what you are now, one person, one culture" then she took chunks out of other balls of clay - blue, green, yellow - and mixed them with the red one and said "This is what you will be when you have experienced living abroad, you will be a mix of different colors, you will absorb all the cultures you come across and they will become part of you." I didn't really understand what she meant then, but when I look at how I am now, how I've changed since that moment, I realize she was completely right.

At first, I didn't want to move, I didn't want to leave Puerto Rico, my home. But I had no choice, I moved in the summer of 2004, when I was 11. The first two months were a nightmare. I wanted to go back home, to my friends, to a place where I felt I belonged. Random memories would play through my mind, my house in Puerto Rico, the entrance filled with muddy footprints from all the times people had gone in and out, the smell of brownies and pizza wafting through the air and the sound of laughter that could be heard in all the nearby houses, and being in the terrace at the back of the house, gathered with my friends, talking and singing silly songs. I'd try to push the memories away, but I could feel them pressing against the back of my eyes in the form of tears threatening to spill out. This would often happen in the weeks before I entered school, but when I entered school, everything started looking up. I made friends quickly and started doing quite well in school. At that school, I found myself in a community of different people, they came from all I walks of life. Some were from different countries than me, others had different religions, others just different opinions, but all of us were bound together by one situation. Most of us were far away from our homes trying to adapt to living in a place with a very different culture from our own. But this school, this international community, gave everyone a sense of belonging.

Many of the friends I made there, are still my friends today, we made some great memories during those times. Like the time we went on a school trip and kayaked through a river and even went mud bathing deep inside some caves in Yangshuo, China. Now that I live in Florida, I still remember those days fondly. During those years, I went through experiences that completely changed my view of the world. By living in such a multicultural community, I learned to be tolerant of others and their differences. I learned to appreciate other cultures and was also greatly influenced by them. But not only did I learn from others, I also contributed my own part. I also became a more mature person with more worldly views. And just like that counselor had said long ago, all the cultures I came across became a part of me in one way or another, and even though sometimes I miss China, now I am ready to take on a new great stage in my life, college life.
dancer2010 1 / 5  
Sep 20, 2009   #2
In the sentence "This would often happen... everything started looking up.", you could take out the few words about the weeks before entering school.

Also, "At that school, I found myself... from all I walks of life." you could change "they" to "who".

The 1st sentence of your last paragraph could be split into two. "Many of the friends I made there are still my friends today. We made some great memories during those times."

Other than that, I think you have quite an interesting experience.
acat6332 4 / 12  
Oct 4, 2009   #3
i just saw that you were the one tht commented on my essay :)
well i already told you that i lvoed yours, verry goodd ^^ tis very interesting, im pretty sure the person that reads it will no tbe bored:)

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