Hey guys. I have a few hours before I turn this hummer in and I need desperate help! This was a really crazy topic that drove me nuts. I hope it's good. I know it's long but please read it and grade it! Be as hard as you like. I'm going to fix the conversation grammar erros so don't mention those in the grammar errors =) THANKS!!
PROMPT:
Spanish poet Antonio Machado wrote, 'Between living and dreaming there is a third thing. Guess it.' Give us your guess.
"Mayday, Mayday. Our airplane has run out of gas. Please put on your breathing masks located above you" said the flying captain.
"OH MY GOD. I"M GOING TO DIE. PLEASE GOD PLEASE SAVE ME!!!" said the stranger next to me.
"Don't worry! I have this cool device I made that will help us survive." I said.
"I bought it along with me just in case something like this would happen. I made it so it could transform into a case. But when you press the button right here. It unlocks, unfolds, and becomes a mini flight deck! It has an infinite internal combustion engine with about 2000 horsepower! It even has food in the jet pack too! It is great for almost any get away or emergency situation." I explained excitedly.
"WELL GIVE ME ONE TOO. I WANT TO LIVE TOO YOU KNOW." the stranger yelled.
"I only got one, but just to make sure, let me test it. Here it goes. One. two. three. OH MY GOD. IT S..." I said.
Right about when I test my invention, my 6:45 alarm goes off. I wake up and do what I need to get ready for school. So what is it that connects these two seemingly immiscible and completely different worlds? It is the act of creating.
Although I still have my wacky dream engraved in my mind, I continue to live the mundane life of a high student: walking to class and hanging out with friends. As I eat and talk during lunch, the laughter and aroma of food detract my mindset away from the schoolwork. With my mind so engrossed in Chemistry and Math formulas during class, I no longer think about the dream I had 4 hours ago but about the grade I will get on the test and the girl I really liked. As I go home with my mind so blanked out from the formulas bouncing around, I open up my Lego box and build some random objects to relieve my stress. And as I try to build, I remember the dream invention I once had 12 hours ago with the mini jet pack I built.
Even though I am trapped within the distractions and demands of the living world, it is through the act of creating that exists in between living and dreaming. The thing that exist between the subconscious and conscious state is what initiates the invention from the dream, instigates it into the living world, and is the bridge that help carries this idea into reality. Creating fuses my two distinct thoughts to form one coherent and ground-breaking idea. Although an infinite internal combustion engine with 2000 horsepower may or cannot exist in the real world, I have the chance to break the limitations and obstacles that hinder me from developing my invention. Like engineering, I can acquire the hands on experience and necessary knowledge from research projects to bring this novelty idea to life.
People often think that because of the huge disparity between these two worlds, there is nothing that can exist in between; however, like an axel that connects two car wheels, this middle thing that is what links living and dreaming: the act of creating.
i like your idea. it is unique and interesting but it is extreme hard to find in this paper. you need to do a lot of work on your last paragraph because as it is it is near impossible to read. the grammar errors in that paragraph are also serious enough to actually distort the points you are trying to make. some sentences even lose there meaning completely. i would sit down and rewrite the entire paragraph to see if you can simplify it or split sentences up.
sorry i can offer more positive feedback.
i hope u get in to u Chicago though great school.
hey infinity. thanks for the feedback =) and no i rather prefer negative feedback. means more i can correct within the time i have! :D. And when you say last paragraph you mean second to last right?? and sorry for the horrendous essay. iwas working on it 4 in the morning -.- =(
Very Unique idea , im sorry i cant really help you with all your grammar because i dont have time but like the previous person , you need a better conclusion to summarize your thoughts and go out with a bang
If you get a chance look at my essays :)
I liked most of the essay; clear succinct idea.
However here...
"People often think that because of the huge disparity between these two worlds, there is nothing that can exist in between; however, like an axel that connects two car wheels, this middle thing that is what links living and dreaming: the act of creating."
I would like to say that though you pointed out a difference about how dreams can be adventurous and wild while reality still intrigues you in certain subjects; it doesn't show a "huge disparity." Likely, the admissions committee will have essays that advocate that the two are actually rather similar. So I would be more specific on how while dreams can be a bit ridiculous, while many wouldn't even fathom the possibility, with effort and science (or something) they can come to reality. Or something along those lines which matches more what your essay says.
I liked your essay very much!
Especially the unique opening and thoughtful ending:)
Just a little suggestion... Maybe you can explain more about the act of creating, as it is definitely the most important part of the essay... Sorry for the too limited feedback, and hope that helped;)
So... What is your guess? Did you answer the prompt? Somehow you have to re-edit this essay to answer the prompt. The initial dialogue is interesting but I do not know what a admissions officer would think of it. I am sure you will do fine.
seriously ? =(. Can i ask why you thought I didn't answer the prompt?? Any portion of the essay. I think i answered the prompt when I said So what is in between these two immiscible and distinct worlds is the act of creating.
Wait I totally got that your "answer" is the act of creating, so I don't think you need to worry about that. I would watch the beginning, or the dream, because some details are unnecessary and just make your essay longer than it needs to be. Also, this is very minor, but would you really spend all that time explaining/talking when you're under that much stress (I mean the plane is about to crash)? It doesn't seem very realistic that you would be "excited" during this sort of situation haha.. But other than that, the main portion of your essay is great. (Do you think there is a better word to replace the "act of creating"? I think that would help as well.)
