This is completely unedited/unrevised and uncomplete - i'm still on my first draft, gonna finesse it on the second run. But just want to know if i'm taking the right approach to this essay? Like how i begin with my life story for 2 paragraphcs, then explain why i would be a contribution + benefit etc, in one paragraph?
Prompt:Rutgers University is a vibrant community of people with a wide variety of backgrounds and experiences. How would you benefit from and contribute to such an environment? Consider variables such as your talents, travels, leadership activities, volunteer services, and cultural experiences. Only personal essays submitted via our website will be considered. You may enter a maximum of 3800 characters including spaces.
Living a life in constant battle between hell and high waters, being average is the least of my worries. Quite frankly, my whole life was unordinary (even till this moment now). Having been raised by two Sudanese nationals, yet trying to stand out among my peers as the 'cool' kid, though lasting for some time, i would find such an attempt at class-fame as more and more of a paradox as i grew older (considering how awkward my family really was). Moreover, it is mainly my life story that greatly sets me apart from others. At the fragile age of 5, i experienced the loss of my first loved-one (through institutionalization). Though my father would try to mask it, saying that my mother was going to the hospital for some years, i caught on after some time. Even-though this was the case, at age 5 i stayed strong, and from then on - sadly enough - would be living with only my father and brother - it was from this moment that my life (theoretically speaking) would kick itself into 'overdrive'.
Suffering from the loss of my mother, and the duty of becoming even more of a stronger man, though i wouldn't think so, life's turbulence was yet to begin. Living with my father and talking with my mother on the phone on a weekly basis (as she then moved to Sudan with her family) i actually didn't pay the situation much emotional attention, and instead continued on with my life. It was at this point(in the year of 2002) that my father decided we visit our mother in Sudan on a yearly basis - and so we did. Year after year we would visit our mother in Sudan, and as my father's treat, we'd always stop by at neighboring countries (they were: Saudia Arabia, UAE, Qatar, Ethiopia, Kenya, and Many more) for 1-2 weeks before we'd go to Sudan. Of the many year's we'd go, two were of significance: 2005 and 2007. In 2005, during our vacation, we were caught in the middle of a heated 2-Day Civil War, in which dozens died and hundreds were injured. Never having been exposed to such a situation in my life, seeing what i saw that day literally stained my memory, with a stain that, till this day, still remains. In the year of 2007, i actually lost my father to brain cancer - and it was this moment that would change my life forever.
Considering the aforementioned details, i feel like i could contribute to making it even more of a diverse environment. Not only that, but also demonstrate, just how much
I'm writing my Rutgers essay too :D so far 1 sentence :D
Suffering from the loss of my mother, and the duty of becoming even more of a stronger man, though i wouldn't think so, life's turbulence was yet to begin
----awkward sentence for me. even more and then followed by stronger
seeing what i saw that day literally stained my memory, with a stain that, till this day, still remains
------stains sounds good coz it makes you think of blood but bad coz stain sounds negative unless that moment negatively afftected you. engraved? carved? maybe--
Sounds like you have alot to write about. I think you could write 1 para on contribution and another on benefit and maybe give more details on the 2nd and 3rd experiences if you still fit it in the limit.
