I leapt. The illusion of safety enveloped me. The instructor gave the thumbs up and the parachute ballooned over my head. My screaming ceased. I saw the earth like never before.
Here I was, floating like a tiny feather in the sky, my mortality surrounding me, and I realized how incredibly small I am. The panoramic view below me gave me perspective.
My world often consists of the two-foot radius around me. It seems so easy to get lost in the human day-to-day experience. Everything in the world of the 21st century seduces us into a forgetful stupor. There is so much pressure to fulfill plans, pay bills, and become someone important. As I leapt off that airplane into the limitless sky, none of that mattered.
I peeked beyond the veil of my little world. Life happens in ways beyond my understanding. When I get glimpses of the mystery of it all, I often do not even know what to do with myself.
I think that is why it is easier to forget most of the time. Living with mystery constantly challenges everything we think we know. I am okay with that challenge. I'm ready.
Excellent writing! You paint an amazing picture with your words, it shows your maturity. The main point of your essay is this:
Everything in the world of the 21st century seduces us into a forgetful stupor.
I like the sound of this, it is something that you may want to expand upon. Re-word this sentence but say the same thing. I am not sure if you have a word limit, but to write more about this would "beef up" your paper. Also, to notice and analyze this materialistic world takes an intelligent and self-aware person- you! Nice job!
this is really good! i love it! shows a lot of imagery!
Just a couple minor things...
Here I was, floating like a tiny feather in the sky, my mortality surrounding me, and I realized how incredibly small I
amwas (use parallel verb tenses)
My world often consists of the two-foot radius around me. < This is kind of confusing, what is this two-foot radius you're referring to? I think your essay would sound perfectly fine without this sentence.
I like the piece.The sentence structures are good. You may want to change the second "leapt" to another adjective.
Could you take a look at my essay thanks.
Wow! That's really well written :)
Just one tiny detail though:
My world often consists of the two-foot radius around me. It seems so easy to get lost in the human day-to-day experience. since you have spoken in your own context you might want to develop on the "me" part with some examples of how you used to be limited to your own surroundings, but that changed when you had this experience.
Good luck! :)