UC Essay #1: Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations
I am just looking for general comments/advice for this essay.
Thanks
Orange-County - California Life
It does not take long to look around in Orange County and realize that it is an affluent area. I am surrounded by massive, magnificent homes; some of which cost millions of dollars. People in this area had to be successful to buy these homes. I wish to be as successful as the adults in Orange County.
As a child I had about everything I wanted. I had a basketball hoop, videogames, and a big house. My parents were supportive, successful, and caring. I grew up never having to worry if I was going to have dinner that night. My sports teams that I played for, and loved, were paid for without a problem. This was all made possible because I had parents that made a good living. They both went to a four year university and got jobs right after college. Soon after they made enough money to move to Southern California, which I believe is one of the best places to live and raise a family. My parents and many others that live in Orange County are an example of success, a word I believe defines my community. My personal definition of success is being where you want to be in life. After my college experience is done, I want to raise a family in Southern California. Living here has taught me that I want to be successful, that I want to give my kids the same kind of support my parents gave me.
People can get caught up in the fast paced money driven lifestyle of Orange County, but it is a great place to grow up. There is a general sense of comfort and security where I live, a sense of the American dream. Almost everybody who wants to live in a pleasant home in Southern California knows what its like to work hard. As a child I thought everyone had it this good, but over time I realized that one must have a good job to live here. Being as fortunate as I was, I came to understand that many others do not retain the lifestyle I take for granted. As I got older, I began to look at Orange County as a fathom of reality. In the words of my mother, "Not everyone lives in this Orange County bubble; you do not know half of the things that go on in this world." She was right, I have had it easy.
My community has given me goals and a deeper understanding of the world. An example of success has been presented right before me; I want to obtain that success. I have been living the dream, but must work hard to retain it.Good evening.
I think you've got a great answer to the prompt here. You describe what it is that has influenced you, and given a good explanation of it. The only suggestion I can make here is to avoid using the pronoun "you." Instead, try using "me," I," or "one."
Best of luck!
