Hello everyone! This is the first thread that I have ever made on this forum.
Anyhow, applications are due November 1st. To my surprise, these small questions with a limit of 100 words have actually been the toughest part of the application, and I wanted your feedback in order to know whether or not I have done these first two correctly and well. Any type of support is appreciated since I am extremely nervous about my applying to such a prestigious school and I want my essays to be top-notch!
"Tell us where you have lived - and for how long - since you were born; whether you've always lived in the same place, or perhaps in a variety of places. (100 word limit)"
I was born in Baptist Hospital of Miami in 1998. When I think of Miami, tall buildings, excitement, and liveliness come to mind. My parents, however, saw Miami as a city riddled with crime and ultimately decided to move about 150 miles north to a smaller town named Cape Coral in 2004. Looking back, I'm very thankful that my parents made that decision. The safe and tranquil environment allowed me stay focused on my education. Overall, I believe that the city played a big role in shaping the motivated mindset that I carry today.
"We all exist within communities or groups of various sizes, origins, and purposes; pick one and tell us why it is important to you, and how it has shaped you. (100 word limit)"
Throughout my high school career I have chosen to challenge myself by taking rigorous courses. In these classes, I have had the pleasure to meet and befriend some extremely intelligent and motivated individuals. In essence, we all have the same goal: to further our education by being admitted to a university. Being surrounded by brilliant minds has kept me driven to accomplish that goal. There's no other group that I would rather be a part of, because I know that these are the people who have bright futures and are going to do something meaningful with their lives.
Thanks again everyone, I really appreciate it.
Eric, for the first prompt, just focus on the places where you have actually lived. Don't confuse the issue with the places where your parents lived before you were born. The prompt clearly asks you to discuss the places where you have spent periods of your life, if you moved around a bit when you were younger. Otherwise, just concentrate on discussing your life in Miami. It was an interesting touch to include the exact information about where you were born. Although, it borders a bit on too much information. You could have just said that you have lived in Miami since you were born 17 years ago and that you have not lived anywhere else. Then maybe include a short paragraph about growing up in Miami. It isn't necessary to discuss where your parents lived because you were not directly involved in their lives at that point.
With regards to the second prompt, perhaps you could revise the last portion that states "I know that these are the people who have bright futures and are going to do something meaningful with their lives." ? I think that you need to show a sense of community with these classmates of yours by perhaps indicating a kind of friendship or relationship that you have been able to foster with them over time. Thus creating a solid idea of the community that you belong to.
Both statements respond quite well to the prompts provided. A little bit of adjustment is all that is needed in order to further strengthen the statement.
Thank you vangiespen, the advice is greatly appreciated. I think that there was a bit on confusion on the understanding of my first essay though. I start of by saying that I was born in Miami, but that in 2004 my parents decided to move to Cape Coral, which is where I still currently live.
I'll go ahead and revise the last portion of the second prompt to show the relationship that has grown over time with my classmates.
Thank you again!
I'm having trouble getting that last sentence perfect... I came up with "There's no other group that I would rather be a part of, because the monumental amount of collaboration that has occurred between us has fostered a priceless bond."
Does that sound good?
Thanks
- Popeye
