Through my whole life, I have been a strong, confident and open-minded person that knows what she wants and how to reach this goal. As an only child in my family, I feel the responsibility to take care of my parents when I grow up, that is why I am strongly concerned about my education and future career. My sister is now living in Prague and my family decided that it would be better if I lived with her during my freshman year, that is why I am in University of New York in Prague. I have chosen a school that has accreditation and is based on American standards because I knew that I would try to transfer to the school I always wanted to attend ï Binghamton University.
At high school I have been always a successful student in all the subjects I attended, however, I preferred math courses like algebra and geometry, as I felt more confident with numbers. In my senior year of high school, I knew I had to be well educated in finance in order to succeed in Business and support my parents. I found out that Binghamton University is one of the best schools that provide excellent affordable education with a unique library and intelligent professors. I would very much like to be taught by notable and honored academic teachers because I think that they will give me the valuable experience and knowledge and I will try my best to succeed in all courses.
I can see myself living in residence halls, the real ones, to feel the student atmosphere. I have always dreamed about the real student life, which includes dormitories, communities, special occasions and organizations that leads students together. My current university does not provide those opportunities; I feel that I need them to be the part of my life. When I first saw how universities in the US are organized I was captivated by the air of student community that was there: organized labs with a lot of people working together, a variety of sources in the libraries, overwhelmed and entertaining life in dorms and a lot of communities inside of just one university. This can really help students to find their own way during those four years at college. When I look at the pictures, videos and read students' blogs, I can feel myself as a part of this student life myself and I cannot wait to try being one of them. Moreover, I find the site of the university very convenient, the fact that it is situated outside of the city is a significant advantage because it forces to concentrate on studies and your college friends, whereas, in my current university, which is in the center of the city, students meet each other only at classes and this may be one of the reasons why there are no communities.
I have chosen Binghamton University because I think this school is the best place to pursue my higher education. I am very much interested in attending the School of Management which is the best for me because it gives an excellent knowledge and opportunities to get an internship and to build my future career. I would also like to become a part of prestigious Alpha Kappa Phi organization because I have heard and read about it a lot. The idea of grouping all people related to business education, realization is incredible, and I think that being surrounded by smart and interesting members is great especially the chance to train and obtain the knowledge, skills and experience that will definitely help me developing and preparing for the future. I know myself and if I am interested in business then I would do my best to get as much information and knowledge as possible and try to find friends and colleagues for the rest of my life, I feel strongly that Binghamton University is the best place to realize all my dreams.
I think this is a very good written piece. I understand that how you want to have a "feel" of American education. But try to show that you're passion about business, and show that what you had done in the past makes you unique and a person will surely be successful at Binghamton.
I am not sure if I am right, but you could consider about the points.
But really, overall, this is a good one. :)
As an only child, in my family I feel responsible for taking care of my parents when I grow up, and that is why I am strongly concerned about my education and future career. ---- This is a powerful sentence! Notice the little changes I made to make it better.
...I would try to transfer to the school I always wanted to attend - Binghamton University.---you end the first paragraph with this, so it makes me think you should begin paragraph two by validating that in some way... begin paragraph 2 by showing WHY you always liked this school. Oh... actually, as I keep rteadong, I see that you DID do that in this next paragraph. Very good! Try to rewrite the topic sentence (the first sentence of para #2) so that it expresses the main idea of the paragraph.
Do a better job than just saying, "a unique library and intelligent professors." Name some professors, cite their articles, and talk about your specific plans.
:-)
