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"Living under the Thirty Years' War" - Common App Short Answer


ckpckp1994 8 / 17 2  
Oct 14, 2011   #1
Prompt: Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences in the space below (1000 character maximum).

Living under the Thirty Year's War was never easy.

The Bourbon first launched a paper cannon into the field of Habsburg by the windows. The Habsburg quickly aligned the bag backs for defense...Oh no! Another cannon headed towards Madrid; the Habsburg was panic. "Ä„Vamos!" A wave of paper planes just took off to Paris...

"Stop!" I shouted, "Now clean up the room." I was a prefect, more like a security guard in a school. My duty was to keep the lower classmen's discipline when the teacher was gone. In this case, I had to take the field and ceased the fire, literally.

Wars happened everyday in this classroom, so I tried to build a trust relationship by talking to them, one by one. That way I could handle a "riot" by warning one at a time, and this policy was unexpectedly effective. I shared my experience to other prefects; they said it worked very well. Being a prefect, I learned that a true leader does not necessarily bring success to the team, but builds a successful relationship with teammates.

Thanks!
ali_alqaisy93 2 / 7  
Oct 15, 2011   #2
The ending was nice, but The part you said 'I shouted' immediately gave me the impression that you are bossy. I suggest you just change the wording. :)

Check mine pleassee
ali_alqaisy93 2 / 7  
Oct 15, 2011   #3
Yeh it is quite nice now, it seems like you took the responsibility and brought the team together without being bossy on them. Good luck yeh.


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