I'm halfway through my LMU essay and I'll post it here as soon as I'm finished. But as I'm writing it, I'm wondering how long is this supposed to be? Did anyone else apply to Loyola Marymount?? I didn't see any word restrictions...
In his homily at the Class of 2005's Baccalaureate Mass, LMU's President Fr. Robert Lawton, S.J., said: ''so what is the answer to this deep insecurity we all feel? The answer, I think, is to embrace the adventure of becoming deeply, and fully, ourselves. This is what God is really calling us to. It seems like the riskiest of all journeys, this journey to be one self. But it's ultimately the journey that leads us to happiness, that leads us into God's dreams for us.'' Why do you think Fr. Lawton says the ''journey to be oneself'' seems the riskiest of all journeys? What risks lie ahead in your college career as you embark on the ''adventure'' of discovering and becoming yourself?
Every so often, I try to imagine what my life will be like in ten years. I never quite know how far I should let my imagination take me. At 28 years old, I could be married, living in a house in sunny Los Angeles. Or I might be living in a flat in New York, pursuing one of my dreams as a photographer or artist. Maybe I'll move to Italy and spend my days writing a book in a café. The point is, I have no idea where I'm going to be, what I'll be doing, who I will become. There are so many opportunities out there, and it's impossible to know ahead of time which path I'll end up choosing. Does this uncertainty make me insecure? A little bit, maybe. But I also find that element of surprise one of the most exciting things about life.
The truth is, I don't know exactly who I am. Sure, there's the obvious answer: I'm an eighteen-year-old girl, a senior at Punahou School. I like making art and wearing oversized sunglasses. I listen to music all the time, memorize lyrics to songs in minutes, and sing every day of my life. I cry when I laugh, I play a lot of video games, and I have a passion for black-and-white photography. I have been dancing hula since I was seven years old. This is all a part of me, but this is nowhere near close to who I really am. To "discover" myself, I want to explore and begin to understand every thought, feeling, notion, idea and inspiration that passes through my mind, deciding what's important and what's not, and making critical life decisions based on those discoveries. Each discovery and decision I make will influence my "journey" in life. I know, however, that one risk I face is in being completely honest with myself and with others. There is also risk in finding a path and profession that I can truly love and be passionate about. Too many people fall into corporate traps and end up spending their life doing a job that they hate; but after working the same job for so long, they are afraid to change tracks and start over.
Then there's the outside pressure to know who you are. Human nature drives us to find a place where we belong. The stereotypes that our society has created provide an easy solution. To belong to a group is an outward statement that you know who you are. Some people cling to this security. They settle into their niche, proud that they can say they know who they are. In time, when they realize that they've changed and don't fit into their group as well as they once did, they're afraid to admit it; they don't want to go through the process of trying to find themselves again. So they stay in their comfortable lifestyle - which completely defeats the purpose of 'discovering and becoming yourself'. This is another risk of trying to discover who I am...taking the "safe" path and not pushing myself in new directions.
When I came to Punahou School in sixth grade, I transferred from a school of 400 to one with over 3700 students and I hardly knew anyone. I clung to the few people I recognized, a couple of childhood playmates that I'd gone to pre-kindergarten with. Although we'd been best friends, we had completely changed. They spent their time gossiping and putting makeup on each other; most of my friends were guys and I didn't know the first thing about makeup. But I was shy, and with no one else to go to, I stayed with the group, maintaining a quiet smile in the corner of the room. This was not who I was, and I knew it. But I stayed, nonetheless, until I finally made some new friends.
My group of friends today is a random mix of personalities and backgrounds. Some are shy and some outgoing; some love to sing and play guitar, and others excel at sports. A few people spend all their time studying, while others spend most of their time partying. We're all so different, and yet we get along and we all respect and care for each other. My friends help to define who I am, and a good way to learn more about me is too see me interact with other people that I know and love. From this experience, I've learned that another big risk in become one's self is that it's important to reach out and make new friends, try new experiences, surround myself with people I like and trust and can learn from.
I have no idea what will happen in the future, but I know that I will remain open to change and new experiences. Although I can't say where I'll end up, I plan to live by the words of Mark Twain: "Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover."
I really like the 2nd sentence: I never quite know how far I should let my imagination take me.
You should try the paragraphs in different orders! Your last paragraph would be a stronger first paragraph than the current first paragraph. Try not to focus so strongly on how much you DON'T know. They are looking for boldness and adventurousness, so how about asserting who you are even if you are not sure?! I would get rid of these: The point is, I have no idea where I'm going to be, what I'll be doing, who I will become. There are so many opportunities out there, and it's impossible to know ahead of time which path I'll end up choosing.Replace this with a sentence in which you explain how, even though you know that you are driven to succeed as a (what major?) major at LMU, you must admit that you cannot be certain what the future will bring. Then continue: Does this uncertainty make me insecure?
This essay really is quite great. Just try the paragraphs in different orders that might make strong themes emerge.
Great advice from Kevin. You talk about all the things that are part of you, but then say that they are nowhere close to being who you really are. So, who are, you, then, if you take all of those things away? Who are you when you aren't dancing hula, playing video games, listening to music, or creating art? For that matter, if these things are truly a part of you, then they must in some way be who you really are. They may not be all you really are, but they are, by your own phrasing, a part of it. Part of your problem here is that the prompt is itself problematic. That is, you can never "discover yourself," because the process of discovery changes the self that discovers it, so that at best you can only discover who you were. At the same time, the idea that the self is just lying out there to be discovered is probably wrong, too. You probably have at least some say in who you become, and so your journey is at least partially going to be about creating yourself instead. I don't know if any of this will be of great help to you, but at least it will give you something to think about.
