Hi. This is an essay I've written for the Emory supplement.
Here's the prompt: Many students decide to apply to Emory College based on our size, location, reputation, and yes, the weather. Besides these valid reasons for making Emory College a possible college choice, why is Emory College a particularly good match for you?
Could the people reading this please help me? I feel like it's too...general. As in, I could easily use this for any other college by just replacing the name. At least, that's the feeling I get for most of it. Thanks :]
Entering college is starting a new chapter in life. After touring colleges and listening to my college friends' experiences, I have decided that Emory would be the best place to start my new chapter.
When I toured Emory, everything I saw amazed me; it was like a dream come true. The buildings that were frequently renewed and the high-tech classrooms that gave off a comfortable, but easy-to-pay-attention vibe showed that the school cared for the students' learning environment. Of all the other colleges I had visited, it felt the most comfortable, yet vibrant. Everything was immaculate and not overdone to be a distraction.
I learned that Emory is a place that is able to offer many different fields. Though I have no set major, I am leaning towards the biological field. Emory is one of the leading colleges in research such as HIV and genetics. What better learning environment can there be other than the place where actual modern science research takes place? Emory also seems like the place where I would be able to learn most of each subject. The 7:1 student faculty ratio shows that this college is a learning environment where students can have a close relationship with the professor, rather than a hundred students trying to get help from the occupied professor.
Additionally, as I walked around, I saw different races. So far, the educational environment I have been in has mainly consisted of Caucasians. Emory would be able to offer a cultural diversity that I could experience, no matter what race or financial class I am.
Comparing Emory to my other choices, it is the one college that seems the best with regard to my reasons. The amazing educational aspects and ethnic diversity make it the college in which I want to start my college career.
science researches take place?
- science research takes
Also, the prompt says to talk about aspects of Emory besides location, so I think it'd be best if you didn't discuss it.
I really like your third paragraph, as it highlights characteristics that are unique to Emory. If you can add that attention to detail to your other points, it won't seem so general, as you say. : )
Hey, your essay is interesting, but one point that I noticed was that you mentioned location as a point when the prompt clearly asks for other points besides "size, location, reputation, and yes, the weather."
Also, you might want to take out the "It is said that" part before:
It is said thatE ntering college is starting a new chapter in life. After touring colleges and listening to my college friends' experiences, I have decided that Emory would be the best place to start my new chapter."
Everything else looks fine.
I'm applying to Emory as well! :)
Good luck with apps!