Please help me on grammar, and you are more than welcome to give comments/feedback/suggestions!!
THANKS!!
TOPIC: What is the best advice you have ever received? Describe how it has helped you and how you have used it.
"Persevere and move forward, my son" said my father as he patted those words on my back. His words echoed through my left ear and out the right as we stood watching planes taking off from the runway. Smiles cover the concerns and worries that filled his heart as a parent. My dad showed no signs of remorse as we exchanged our goodbyes. As I would later discover from my mother the sorrow he had driving home. It was on the night of my departure to my new high school in the States, as a junior. Eager to experience the new surroundings, I was unaware of the bumpy road that lies ahead.
Sweat secretes from my palm as I nervously haul my bulky luggage along the narrow dorm hallway. Nervous, excitement, and fear. all of these emotions bombarded me simultaneously. Never being parted from my family for more than a month (and inhabiting a dependent character, I was in doubt about my future as a boarding student. As the only Thai student in school, loneliness immediately became the first challenge I faced on the first week of school. My mind wandered nostalgically about friends and family back home. Reminiscing about family made me remember my dad's advice to persevere. I repeated his message in my head, and it made me feel better and also helped me become optimistic about my loneliness. After all, the primary objective of being in a boarding school was for me to transcend into a more independent person and strengthening my mentality. It was not as if I was the only student in the dorm that was feeling like the way I felt. Other students are probably also yearning to be with their family and friends in their country. Day by day, I opened my heart to other students, in hopes of fabricating a friendship. I engaged other students, conversing with them about interests, school, and sports. I became more open towards other people, making friends with people from various countries, learning about their cultures, and forging strong bonds with them. A month later, my dorm became like my second home. As I walk through the hallways people greeted me, joked with me, and gave me cool gang-like handshakes.
The advice guided me through times of difficulties and gave me hope of moving forward. "Persevere and move forward." This advice made me realize that I could not just cling to my past, I must move on in life and deal with other challenges that lie ahead, whether it was stepping out of my comfort zone and meeting new people, or learning to be independent. My dad's advice changed my perspective on life and made me realize that facing challenges is part of our daily lives; we all face challenges differently, and these challenges make us stronger and tougher both physically and mentally. No matter what life throws at us, we must embrace it and make the most of it.
Extremely well written paper!
After all, the primary objective of being in a boarding school was for me to transcend into a more independent person and strengthening my mentality.
~~Strengthening should be strengthen.
Thanks Ariana
but does it sound too negative?? because my friends said it sounded too negative
...anyone?
syookhong
Nervous, excitement, and fear,
Nervous, excited, and scared...maybe?
I think its a really great essay and no I do not think it sounds negative
thanks guys
His words echoed through my left ear and out the right
when you say the words went in one ear and out the other, that is like an expression that means you did not pay attention, did not learn from the words. Is that what you are trying to say?
You should keep it in the past tense. was unaware of what lay.
Eager to experience the new surroundings, I was unaware of the bumpy road that lay ahead.
This is nice, and I bet your dad is proud as he reads this essay, but I think you can go deeper in your analysis of the advice. It says to persevere and DO something. Many times, people cope with depression by taking action. You can analyze each part separately, and you can even spend time to read a book about existential psychology, such as Man's Search for Meaning by Frankl, and apply what you learned to this advice. You can go very deep in your analysis of this, because your father's wisdom goes very deep.
Hi, I think I might see some grammar errors. I am putting what I think might be errors i CAPS. Good Luck jm
Smiles coverED the concerns and worries that filled his heart as a parent.
As I would later discover from my mother the sorrow he had driving home.<- I THINK THAT SENTENCE NEEDS TO BE RESAID. I DONT THINK IT IS A PROPER SENTENCE. It was on the night of my departure to my new high school in the States, as a junior. <- I THINK THAT SENTENCE NEEDS TO BE RESAID. I DONT THINK IT IS A PROPER SENTENCE. Eager to experience the new surroundings, I was unaware of the bumpy road that lies LAY ahead.
YOU WERE TALKING IN THE PAST BEFORE AND NOW YOU SWITCH TO THE PRESENT. ?
NervousNESS, excitement, and fear. ALL all of these emotions bombarded me simultaneously. Never being parted from my family for more than a month (and inhabiting a dependent character < - REMOVER THIS WHOLE SECTION - IT DOESNT MAKE SENSE), I was in doubt about my future as a boarding student. As the only Thai student in school, loneliness immediately became the first challenge I faced on MYthe first week of school.
... also helped me become optimistic about my loneliness (WERE YOU OPTIMISTIC ABOUT YOUR LONLINESS OR WERE YOU MORE OPTIMISTIC ABOUT YOUR NEW LIFE ALONE?)
Other students areWERE probably also yearning to be with their family and friends in their OWN countryCOUNTRIES. Day by dayWITH EACH PASSING DAY, I opened my heart to other students, in hopes of fabricatingDEVELOPING a friendship.
The advice MY FATHER HAD GIVEN ME guided me through times of difficulties and gave me hope of moving forward.
My dad's advice changed my perspective on life and made me realize that facing challenges is part of our daily livesPERIOD ; WEwe all face challenges differently, and these challenges make us stronger and tougherCOMMA both physically and mentally.
