Hi everyone. Please provide comments/corrections to my essay for Yale's secondary. Thank you :)!
*Simone: I hope this essay is better than the previous. I've tried to discuss more about how Yale's program might interest me.. :)
Prompt: Please use this space to write an essay in which you discuss your interest in the Yale University School of Medicine. Please limit your response to 500 words.
I am fervently interested in pursuing my degree of Doctor of Medicine at Yale University because of its long-established tradition of academic excellence, where I know I will receive the best education possible. At Yale, I can study under an integrated curriculum, engage in clinical practice and biomedical research, and work with experienced mentors and other aspiring physicians in a multiculturally diverse community-a stimulating and comprehensive medical education.
As a responsible and self-motivated student, I wish to take an active role in my medical education and learn for my future to become the best physician I can be. Yale creates an environment where I can focus on understanding and appreciating medicine, rather than competing for certain grades or class rankings. I am a more active learner in a cooperative environment, and my goal in medical school is not to compete with my peers but to work together with them and help each other grow as students and aspiring physicians. Yale's structuring of the classroom into small-group seminars or conferences will allow me to engage in a high level of cooperation with my colleagues and establish close mentoring relationships with knowledgeable physicians and scientists who are at the forefront of their fields.
I wish to pursue a medical program that will allow me to walk in the physician's shoes to explore the roles and responsibilities of a professional healthcare provider. Under the Yale System, I will be able to gain early exposure to patient care by partaking in clinical clerkships at the Yale-New Haven Hospital. This intensive clinical program will help me bridge theory and practice as I apply my knowledge and skills in clinical settings to make a positive difference in people's lives. In rotating through different areas of medicine, from surgery to clinical neuroscience, I can strengthen and broaden my medical knowledge and clinical skills, in addition to cultivating a physician's compassionate attitude essential to a healthy doctor-patient encounter.
I have truly enjoyed my undergraduate research at Berkeley and am committed to make research an integral part of my medical education and practice. At Yale, I can involve in self-directed biomedical research through the Medical Student Research Program. With a background in cancer research, I hope to pursue my M.D. thesis at the Yale Cancer Center, where I can integrate science and medicine to study an important aspect of cancer physiology and contribute to the University's rich research culture. Engaging in Yale's research program will help me develop important scientific skills, including critical thinking and problem solving, which I can integrate into my clinical practice to become a better physician.
Finally, I will feel at home at Yale because of its multiculturally diverse medical campus, one which lends an air of cultural sensitivity and celebration. Here, I can interact with ninety-nine other aspiring physicians from different walks of life and learn and appreciate medicine from their perspectives and cultures. Yale's cultural diversity will help promote and foster my cultural competence, which is important in providing effective care for today's diverse patient population. I look forward to the great opportunity to pursue my medical education at Yale University.
This is impressively written. To the point where I kind of got lost. But I think the admissions officers will be way better at understanding what you're saying; they probably have a longer attention span than me too lol.
Just one question--is there a unique reason you want to go there? Because most of what you mentioned is somewhat generic. I mean, given, I can't think of any other reason one would attend such a prestigious medical university. But in this day and age you have to really find something that makes you stand out otherwise you'll get lost in the seas of other equally bright and eloquent aspiring medical students.
Have you visited the campus, talked to the professors and students? Maybe you could mention that, when you talk about the diversity of students--relate it directly to when you visited and saw that the students/faculty really ARE that diverse/intelligent/etc?
But the essay is still an outstanding and well-written piece on its own, so what I'm saying is completely extra.
I wholeheartedly agree with you! Unfortunately, I'm too busy with applications & school that I haven't had the chance to visit Yale.
Haha, well then I guess that makes you an even better student. :)
"I wish to pursue a medical program that will allow me to walk in the physician's shoes to explore the roles and responsibilities of a professional healthcare provider."
Say a little more about (a) why cooperative rather than competitive learning appeals to you, and (b) why cultural diversity is important to you.
Hi Simone :). Here's my revision. I hope it's getting better :). I am already over the word limit, and it's hard to decide what to omit or add on :) haha.. Thank you for your comments, and I hope this revision better address them.
You did a great job of incorporating my suggestions. I think this essay is very strong. I'd like to hear what others think, so that you get more than one person's point of view.
Thank you Simone. Yes, I'll be waiting for comments/corrections from other contributors.
Hi. Any final corrections before submission. Thank you for your time and contribution :).
I am fervently interested in pursuing my degree of Doctor of Medicine at Yale University because of its long-established tradition of academic excellence, where I know I will receive the best education possible
^You are not referring to a place here.
Yale creates an environment
wherein which I can focus on understanding and appreciating medicine, rather than competing for certain grades or class rankings
*Your essay is good.
Are you applying for a Masters program? wow.
When is the deadline to submit this by the way? Are you applying under some early program?
Best of luck :)