Please help me revise my essay. Thank you.
Obtaining a college degree requires persistence and the ability to stay focused on the end result. Share with us a long-term goal that you had, the steps/process you took to obtain that goal, and how you overcame any obstacles that you encountered. This goal could be academic, personal, or extracurricular in nature. (approximately 250 words)
set a goal to live a fully life
One day, I asked myself, "Why do I wake up every morning?" Not being able to answer this is somewhat frightening. Therefore, the 15-year-old me believed that the only way to fully live your life is to have a dream, a goal to fight for. I set up the biggest goal ever in my life, renovating my home.
I've lived in the same house my entire life. Growing up, I've always seen the potential of the house that no one really noticed or cared. In grade 8, I wanted to re-paint the house. In grade 12, I wanted to change the entire interior of the house, from the floor plan to the furnishing. The vision for the house is constantly changing as I'm growing up but there is always one.
I began my journey with a sketch of my room, of how I wanted it to be. I remembered asking my dad if I could re-do my room, change the tiles, knock off the wall, buy new furniture and he said no. Now that I'm looking back I can clearly see why. Who would trust a little kid with such things. In another hand, my family didn't have the budget for the renovating anyway. So, I moved on to the next step, gaining my parents' trust.
On every Vietnamese Tet holiday, I volunteered to clean and decorate the house. I would help my parents with gardening, choosing indoor plants, organizing furniture,... I would do everything to show them my abilities, my passion. Then we had a conversation about my dream of becoming an Interior Designer. My parents didn't have any idea against it so my dad signed me up for an art class to prepare for the National Drawing Examination. My registration for the class was behind time comparing to other kids at my age who had started class a year before me. But that only made me work even harder. As the result, I got an 8.5 out of 10 on the Examination, stood at the 17th place among 2,080 contestants.
Throughout years of chasing my dream, the eager to explore everything about Interior Design keep growing inside me. I want to go abroad, to see what's out there for me to learn. I want to become a successful Interior Designer and come back home to full fill my biggest goal. So, that are me next steps.
398 wordsHolt Educational Consultant - / 14,835 
4783 Van, the essay that you wrote does not respond to the prompt requirement. What you wrote about is a dream in progress. What the essay requires you to write is a dream that has already come true. For example, when you speak of wanting to renovate your house, that is the long term goal. Had you succeeded in convincing your parents to at least renovate your room, then you would have had a long term goal that have obstacles, a process that you used to overcome the problems, and then, the fulfillment of your goal. You need to write a new essay. Before you do that though, you must think of something that you accomplished in your life when you were told that you would either never make it happen or that you don't have what it takes to see it to reality. Think of a more achievable plan you had in life. Some would write about making the school varsity team when one was rejected before or something like that. The essay needs to contain a goal that you achieved over time. That is what the focus of the essay needs to be. The current essay that you have still a work in progress without an ending. That isn't what the prompt wants you to deliver. It needs an ending.
