Okay, I'd like some feedback on this, especially on the conclusion and whether the essay really fits the prompt, because I can put it topic of choice if not.
Thank you for reading!
Prompt: Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.
Seventh grade was indisputably the worst year of my life, mostly because of my attitude toward school. I loved learning, and I loved my teachers, but I never did my homework, despite understanding the material. Instead of working I would hide in books and video games, burying myself in fantasy worlds. My grades plummeted; I dropped out of honors classes. Guilt and shame made me dread school.
I told myself it was really absurd the amount of work I was expected to do, and I was rebelling, purposefully refusing to do what I called "pointless busywork". I lied to myself and hid in my dreams. Every night I would go to bed hoping, if not outright expecting, to wake up sick, or to a snow day, or on another planet-anything to keep me from going to school.
One day in May, we were playing tennis in gym. I was partners with Sam, the only girl who was quieter than me in class. I have never been good at any sport, but that day I only hit the ball once, maybe twice. I was frustrated with myself, and felt my eyes tearing up against my will. I looked down and blinked them off.
"You should look up more," Sam said.
"What?"
"Lift your chin up-no, a little less-Yeah, like that. You look better."
I looked at her and smiled for what felt like the first time in months.
"Thanks," I said.
To this day, that is the only thing I remember Sam saying to me. I have no idea if she even remembers; it was only an offhand comment after all. But it made me stop and think about my perspective. I spent all year looking down: looking down in a book, looking down at the ground, looking down at my homework.
Most of all, I had looked down at myself. I felt less than useless, like I would never accomplish anything. I wanted to be a heroine, like in my books, but I had alienated what few friends I had had, and I felt invisible. When Sam told me to look up, it meant she saw me. And when I looked up, I finally saw beyond me. I saw the rest of the world. I saw there were opportunities.
Yes, I had wasted the entire year, but it was just seventh grade, not my last chance of success. The next year I kept up with my homework and worked my way back into the honors classes I loved.
I still struggle with homework today, but if I miss a deadline, I first do what I can to make it up, then I look up, to see what I can do in the future instead. Sometimes my grades do not reflect what I know I can do, but I know I am more valuable than my grades. I know I can fall down as long as I never stop getting back up.
ooohhhhh... that's really good. its such a simple moment but had a huge impact on you.
I think it fits the prompt and you answered it really well
the ending is great but if you really wanna get technical--
I still struggle with homework today, but if I miss a deadline, I first do what I can to make it up, then I look uplook ahead?
, to see what I can do in the future instead. Sometimes my grades do not reflect what I know I can do, but I know I am more valuable than my grades.theres more to me than my grades?I know I can fall down as long as I never stop getting back up.its really good but getting back up is different from looking up. if you wanted to tie it in your title.
This is a really captivating essay, in my opinion. it shows a keen awareness of your own faults, and is mature in NOT sounding self-pitying or blaming others. moreover, when i read the tennis part, it reminded me of 'the tipping point'; about how it's the little things that eventually caused a significant change.
That said, there's just one aspect I think you can expound a little more on (I wrote a similar piece about failure). You might want to elaborate in greater detail about how/what/when/why changed about you. because right now, it seems more like 'i failed- i looked up- i got better'. that's of course exaggerated, but hopefully you get the point.
hope this helps. all the best!!
