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"look past the hype and hustle of the present" - UT Austin - Statement of Purpose


Scrat257 1 / -  
Aug 15, 2011   #1
Hello, I am new to this site and look forward to contributing however I can. Here is my UT Austin Transfer Statement of Purpose Essay. I am hoping I could get some input on if I should add more of a conclusion or talk more about my role at UT Austin as well as the usual tweaks. Any help would be greatly appreciated!

Statement of Purpose

I thought I could handle it all. I thought that because of my past accomplishments, in and out of the classroom, and the prestige of the high school I attended, I could handle anything at the University of Texas at San Antonio with ease. I thought, "I am a college football player! This is what student athletes do." I put in countless hours on the field and in the weight room in an attempt to become the most capable athlete I could be. At the same time, I knew the importance of academics and expended the amount of time I thought was necessary to attain the grades that would set off what I expected to be a nearly perfect collegiate academic track record. Little did I know that I was embarking on a semester that would alter my entire mindset on life, and I would consequently make correcting the resulting blemish my main priority.

It was 4:30 in the morning as my alarm went off. As part of my morning ritual I had ten minutes to lie in bed and contemplate the upcoming day before setting off to practice. As I laid there, all at once, like a monumental tidal wave of anxiety, the thought of my first semester grades being released washed over me. I rushed through the dark to grab my phone to check my grades online. Squinting through the burning glare of cell phone's screen, I was greeted with three B's and a C, average grades for some, but not for me.

Over the course of the following week I had to collect myself. I knew I could not and would not make a B ever again while at UTSA. I knew I had to change my mindset towards UTSA. Finally, I knew I had to leave UTSA. These revelations would cause me to evaluate my priorities and alter them for the betterment of my future. The main alteration was the relevance of football.

I always knew football was temporary. Not to be misunderstood, the feeling a person undergoes when a tremendous play is made and the roar of the crowd masks even one's own thoughts and breath is something that truly needs to be experienced to be understood. This feeling expands exponentially in one's senior year of high school when the remaining days are dwindling. However, in college the experience is altered. Football is now a business. It is your life. Yet it is not my life.

Looking around me, I feel out of place. I have felt this way from the beginning of my college career, but even more so now. I examine my teammates and compare our lives on a daily basis. Their main concern, if not their only concern in life, is football. This mindset is not uncommon and can often be expected of a college football player. However, I feel quite the opposite. I view my future career as my ultimate victory and would value a class ring from the University of Texas much more than any championship ring.

On my journey to medical school, I feel that I have made the necessary adjustments that will enable me to be successful. I knew that the only way I would be considered by my future college would be to demonstrate a trend of excellence and perfection while enduring the same pressure from athletics that I was under during the fall semester. Therefore, I have extended myself as completely as I know how, thus resulting in a 4.0 GPA in the spring semester and in the twelve hours I was allowed to take during the summer. However this was not out of character for me, nor was it remarkably difficult. All it required was the ability to look past the hype and hustle of the present and focus on my future success and endeavors, a trend that can certainly be replicated at the University of Texas.
nathant 2 / 3  
Aug 16, 2011   #2
Dude this is a really good draft. I was an athlete in high school and I still work out. I think some imagery could add more to it then just saying you put hours into practice.

"I put in countless hours on the field and in the weight room in an attempt to become the most capable athlete I could be."

Maybe something like: I've obliterated cleats til there were only the bottoms of my feet pressing into the field, and I've calloused my hands, into hard, dry, broken-skinned versions of their former selves, in the weight room-- all to just better myself as an athlete.

I know its a longer of a sentence then what you had but i think it works.

I'm applying to UT, too. check out my thread if you have time man.


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