Hello, Jessica)
. It would be better if you included the question for this essay, so I could see the context of the essay. And what's the word limit?
Your essay is quite OK, but I think you should elaboate more on your election campaign, maybe add some dialogue and other detail, make it more vivid.
Here are some of my suggestions:
My heart was pounding as I chewed on my lip because my fingernails were no longer an option.Ě£ (nice)
Since then, I have been an Associated Student Body member for three years now .
... the criticism I faced as a young member, and used it to better myself and look for innovative ways to betterimprove the school's environment
in inspiring me to follow a career in Public Relations in the Communications field .
After finding Giving so much love and passion in a high school activity that was only supposed to impress admissions offices it made me losing e the election, that much harder to accept my failure to be a part of the Associated Student Body cabinetand that was much harder for me to accept . (this is how I would correct the sentence, if i get its meaning right )
I knew in my guts that I would
I had won. !
t was my name that she had calledannounced
It wasAt long last I that was finally going to have the opportunity to lead and inspire younger members, just like I was fortunate enough to experienceas the previous presidents did .
The struggle that I went through after losing my first election, gave me the time that I needed to learn and become more secure inprepare for my role in A.S.B. As Senior Class President; my roleposition has definitely evolved, but the dedication and work that I put into getting this positionreaching it , isare still the same and applies y to different areas in my life because I know the possibilities with those two traits ( dedication is a trait, but work is not ) are endless.