pick a place or activity that is important to you. tell us a story about your experience at that place or with that activity that reveals something about you.
It was a cold, crisp morning and the beauty of Stone Mountain, located just outside of Atlanta, had a unique tranquility. On an occasional weekend I would piggyback on my dad's back up the 1700-foot mountain. However, the beauty of the trek on this granite hill taught me, in greater respects, many life lessons that a 8-year-old like me would never imagine learning on what I considered a tedious and hectic journey.
I started the walk, but, this time, I decided I needed to walk the hike myself. Yes, it was a loss of comfort, and it was hard to accept change, but I realized that it was something I needed to do. In a greater sense, I was understanding the importance of independence. Instead of leaning on my dad's back, I wished to create my own path.
Midway through the climb up the mountain, I was getting weary and had doubts about whether I could climb the entire way by myself. I had yet to walk 800 feet to the summit. I discovered that progress is not rapid. In fact, it is gradual and takes persistence.Professional hikers certainly were not born naturally adept at hiking. They persevered through minor obstacles and honed their skills. Similarly, I could not let my minor exasperation get the better of me. I would have to persevere.
Reaching the top, I realized that hard work truly does pay off. For me, I was elated that it was the first time I had climbed the mountain without any help from my dad. I have learned that challenging myself is much better than taking the easy way out. After all, the more effort I put into something, the more I come to value the end result. I am confident that I will bring this inclination to challenge myself to whichever college I attend.
please tell me about any corrections including grammatical, how the essay flows, etc.
Nikita
Hello, :)
"However, the beauty of the trek on this granite hill taught me, in greater respects, many life lessons that an 8-year-old like me would never imagine learning on what I considered a tedious and hectic journey."
"I discovered that progress is not rapid. In fact, it is gradual and takes persistence."
hmm i would write something along the lines of "I discovered that progress is not rapid, and in fact, it is gradual and takes persistence." to join the two sentences together.
these are just suggestions, if you do take them im glad to have helped :O)
I really like the flow of this essay, it is a great topic.
Some minor suggestions-
"many life lessons that a 8-year-old like me would never imagine learning"
-8 should be spelled out as eight
"For me, I was elated that it was the first time I had climbed the mountain without any help from my dad."
-I think this sentence would be stronger without the "For me"
"I could not let my minor exasperation get the better of me."
-You might want to consider using best instead of better. I'm not entirely sure what it correct here.
Good job overall :)
