Here's the first supplemental essay from Johns Hopkins.
The essay prompt is:
Johns Hopkins offers 50 majors across the schools of Arts and Sciences and Engineering. On this application, we ask you to identify one or two that you might like to pursue here. Why did you choose the way you did? If you are undecided, why didn't you choose? (If any past courses or academic experiences influenced your decision, you may include them in your essay.)
Feel free to comment. Thanks!
A Lost World - or is it?
Picture this: a vast plain over which hundreds of gigantic gray and green four-footed behemoths lumber. Sunbeams illuminate their serpentine necks, their stout legs, and their whip-like tails. Peace reigns. But disaster soon strikes. Forty-feet long, sharp-toothed scaly-skinned monsters launch an attack on them, leaving many injured or dead.
A typical scene from the late Jurassic, dated 155 mya.
Fast forward to the present. The plain still persists, but it is now in Montana in the US. Many people are digging it up. Using picks and chisels they carefully uncover the bones of those long-deceased animals.
Now that's the kind of work I want to do.
Dinosaurs have fascinated me ever since I can remember by their majestic build and their aura of power and might. I am curious about their anatomy and physiology. I am intrigued by the myriad possible behaviors these animals could have exhibited. I want to know about the environment they lied in, so completely different from our own. I think that I can learn more about these magnificent creatures by studying a combination of biology and geology - biology so that I can learn about their morphology and ethology, and geology so that I can surmise about the Earth they inhabited. Courses like 020.379 (Evolution), and 027.311 (Geo-biology) that are offered at Johns Hopkins tickle my imagination about the wealth of knowledge waiting to be uncovered. And with this education, I hope to uncover more about these enigmatic beasts.I dont think you should give the exact number of the courses and change the word choice of tickle. Now thats the kind of work I want to do make the wording better too simple
I like your essay--very compelling !
But I think the ending can be improved, though.
Maybe you should tie in the imagery of the vast plain or jurassic scenes and the last sentence? I think it would look great if it has a symmetry. That's just my opinion, though =)
And Now that's the kind of work I want to do.
I think you should put more passion into this part? Elaborate a bit more here? I'm not sure if you would like it, but hope it helps!
Overall, it's great!
Good luck!
pls take a look at my newly revised essay if you hav time = )
thanks
Essay feels kind of short, although if it's a 250 word essay you are probably just right. In that case ignore this comment.
When you say the plain "is now in Montana in the US", it feels a bit strange because the plain has always been in that geographical location, it just has a different name now.
I'm especially fond of the sentence "Now that's the kind of work I want to do." It's short but snappy. Effectively brings your point across and conveys your passion.
Don't you mean "I want to know about the environment they lived in..."?
I want to know about the environment they lied in,
Maybe you said instead say, you want to learn about the environment in which they resided--"lied in" sounds somewhat strange. Other than that, I think you did a fine job organizing your essay and capturing the reader's attention. :)