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"I love airports." - common app essay


sneha17 2 / 2  
Sep 6, 2009   #1
hey everyone Im applying to college this fall and am having sooo much trouble writing this essay.. this is a really rough draft so whatever advice is totally welcome. thanks so much! (btw its common app prompt #6 topic of your own)

I love airports. I love the fact that airports are full of people going places, attempting exciting things, maybe even embarking on adventure that very well might change their lives. Just stepping through the doors of an airport, the atmosphere is think with excitement and diversity: There is the lady travelling with her two kids, balancing her baby in one hand and her boarding pass in the other; there is the business man dressed in a suit, briefcase beside him, waiting in the line labeled first class exclusively; then there is me, sitting on my carry on, surrounded by the fifteen suitcases (not exaggerating) that my family and I will need for the next three months in India. You wont be able to miss me because I'm the one grinning from cheek to cheek, whom amidst all the chaos, is completely at peace. I think it's the diversity of culture and color that makes the airport such an inviting place for me. I know it's the one place where I can go to feel like I belong.

Growing up I was never thrilled when a new teacher stumbled over my first name, and didn't even bother to attempt my last. It bothered me that as an American people had so much trouble accepting this very things that gave me identity in the world. In India I stood out with lighter skin and freckles that are unheard of on Indian girls. It annoyed me that there would never be a group of people I could blend in with physically. Neither here nor there, I wondered in limbo until my first trip to the airport that blew my mind. Clutching my dad's hand, my adolescent eyes grew wide seeing all the different colors of people, hearing the different sounds of languages, the smell of people from all over the world tickling my nose. I know longer had any wish to fit in, but instead I longed to stand out like the African women wearing headdress, or the smartly dressed kids in jabbering away in French. Being an individual in the airport is a given, because as melting pot of races, the people you come across are bound to be different than you I realized being an individual in this world is not a burden but a blessing, and once this seven year old girl realized the maxi, she became driven to put it into action.

I returned to India every year after that, staying usually for the entire summer. India became my second home, and I loved it more than words could explain. Of course there was the fact that it was the only time I got to see my family, but I loved the country itself and the image I portrayed while I was there. I was the American girl. At first I was seen the one with the expensive gadgets, the new clothes, but I also became the one with confidence and resolution to speak her mind. I wanted to share as much of myself with the people there, and I was finally able to when my family decided to sponsor two kids at SOS Children's Village. Every year we would spend time in their homes, showing them how to use a CD player which in turn they would include us in their game of cricket. Call me selfish, but I wanted more than that and luckily in 2007 I was given the chance to teach a spoken English class to a group of seven girls at SOS. Although the teacher, I was the one to learn about people, love and just life in general.

I remember the plane ride home after SOS distinctly because after such a hectic summer, I finally had time to mull over my experiences. Looking back I chuckled at the how I nervous I was when Giri explained to me that although their spoek English teacher, he did not want me to stick to a rigorous structure. not to keep a rigorous schedule, but to just talk to the girls and make them feel comfortabIe. Following Giri's instructions, I reluctantly stashed aside the lesson plan I had so carefully constructed. In my mind, I was freaking out because I had no idea what to talk to them about. I couldn't imagine they would have the same interests or hobbies as me. However, by their curious eyes, they seemed more than interested to hear me lamely explain how I liked playing tennis and wrote religiously in my diary. In fact, once I started naming a few of my favorite movies (The Lord of the Rings series , and Kabi Kushi Kabhi Gham) they were even nodding their heads in agreement with m choices. After promising to return the next day, I came back at the Tuesday, Wednesday and every day after that; every time returning equally shocked at the innumerable amount of similarities we shared. They also liked to shop and watch soap operas, although there's were Malayalam ones instead of Gossip Girl and Grey's, they were equally excited when a new episode aired. However similar taste in movies and music aren't the things we had in common because the resemblences ran much deeper than that.

They shared the same fears and dreams. One day Raghi showed me some of the sarees she had painted in hopes of someday becoming a designer; another girl Aghila explained to me how she had just applied to a few nursing schools in North India and checked the mail everyday in hopes of hearing back from them. I expected there to be such a culture conflict when talking to these girls, but I felt like I was just chatting with friends at school. I had this mindset that just because they lived on a different continent & came from a different social background we would be drastically different. To my amazement, these stereotypes were proved wrong because at our core , we were exactly the same.

My past seventeen years have been a roller coaster of realizations. From wanting to desperately fit in as a second grader and realizing that would be impossibility in my case, to going to high school determined to pave my own path.

However looking back on my travels I realize that it is not about fitting in or standing out, because at the root people are the same. The girls at SOS and I did not have deeply contrasting ideas, we blended because we understood each other on a level that was simply humane. Even in an airport, although people are from all different parts of the world, they are there for the same reason, for the same goal. No matter where they are going or where they are coming from, everyone boards the plane for the same reason: to get away.
tal105 7 / 130  
Sep 6, 2009   #2
i hate being meann

okayy, so i competed at this national pageant one time, and this girl asked my mom her opinion on her speech. she got on stage (it was at night so most ple were sleep or gone or w.e.) and did her speech on peer pressure. my mom told her "your speech is boring"

the girl got nervous, but i mean she couldnt change it now! she was already at the paegant and had it memprized and everything! she ended up not placing for the speech.

aftere reading your essay, and although i hated my mom for saying it to the girl, yor essay was boring. i HATE having to skin through essays b.c. i hope noone would skim through mine and miss stylistic stuff or allegories or w.e., but i skimmed through yours. i think you have to find a more interesting topic. idk waht others will say, but for me, it bored me. i didnt want to keep reading esp when i got to the 2nd paragraph, ESP when i saw how long it is. idk, consider breaking it into 2 paragraphs to play tricks on the readers eyes or something but i think you should rly find a more interesting story to tell. this seems to go on and on and i really dont see how it relates to you so much anyways.

i saw you said your having a hard time, but you should just focus. take a few days from writing and then come back to it. that helps too!

good luck!
strawberryswing - / 4  
Sep 6, 2009   #3
I agree.
Your essay has a lot of detail, but it isn't very interesting...

A lot of people write about how they realize that everyone is the same inside, despite the fact that they may be physically different. Diversity is a big topic nowadays, so it's especially hard to stand out if you write such a long, detailed essay about something so mundane.

Also, reflect on yourself a bit more; tell how YOU were truly affected, not that you just realized that everyone is the same. You have a lot of paragraphs explaining things, but only two short paragraphs explaining yourself. Not enough.

Perhaps you could choose a different topic as tal105 suggested, but if you really want to stick with this one, prepare to think extra hard about how to make this essay PERSONAL.

Good luck!
NEHALB 3 / 7  
Sep 6, 2009   #4
Hi ,

I think its important to give a direction to your essay. After reading it I get a feeling that its hanging loose from various end.

First prepare a draft then think about details and then start writing.
Please take these comments in good spirit and give it a one more shot with all the advices given above.

Good Luck.
Llamapoop123 7 / 442  
Sep 6, 2009   #5
okayy, so i competed at this national pageant one time, and this girl asked my mom her opinion on her speech. she got on stage (it was at night so most ple were sleep or gone or w.e.) and did her speech on peer pressure. my mom told her "your speech is boring"

^Your mom sounds like a G.

It bothered me that as an American people had so much trouble accepting this very things that gave me identity in the world.

^Just because they cannot pronouce your name does not mean that they do not accept your identity.

I'm going to add my voice to the group and say that this essay needs to be trimmed.

Now don't be discouraged. You have the writing skill to make this a good piece. Don't try to capture everything about your trips to India. I like the airport idea ;)
tal105 7 / 130  
Sep 6, 2009   #6
^Your mom sounds like a G.

LMAOOOOOO nahhhh my sister and i looked at her like she had 5 heads after she told that girl that lol. i jsut thought id give an anecdote b4 i said that >.<

thats soo funnyyy :P
Liebe 1 / 542 2  
Sep 6, 2009   #7
I am going to be frank. Your introductory essay bored me. It started off with an interesting sentence. Then you rambled on and brought in a number of trite sentences that did not leave me 'grinning from cheek to cheek.'

Your second paragraph is verbose and needs grammar revision.

the smell of people from all over the world tickling my nose.

^...What?

Your whole overall second paragraph is verbose and in need of grammar revision.

India became my second home, and I loved it more than words could explain.

^Then do not give off the impression that you can not express yourself. That just shows poor creativity and a lack of imagination.

Although the teacher, I was the one to learn about people, love and just life in general.

^Why dont you tell your readers how. Because anyone can make such bold statements, but it takes words to explain how. Unfortunately, your essay is already so long so there is no need to add to the word count. Just remove the sentence in it's entirety. It seems unimportant enough that you did not even have to expand on it.

Ok I skim read the rest of your essay. It really lacks direction and focus. You just ramble on and on in poorly written sentences.

I scrolled up to see what people have advised, and it seems that for once, we are all on the same page.
Take the best advice: Start over again.

This essay neither shows you as a great writer, nor does it show you as a person. So quite frankly, this essay is fruitless.
EF_Sean 6 / 3,491  
Sep 7, 2009   #8
Try revising the essay so that you capture all of your main points in about half of the words you use now. It will be a good writing exercise, and you may actually have something at the end that can be refined into a usable piece.
OP sneha17 2 / 2  
Sep 8, 2009   #9
alrite thanks so much guys
yeah i felt kind of the same reading it...idk i ususally dont have trouble with this kind of thing but i feel like everytime i start this essay u just freeze up. I think i will just take all of your adivice and do three things:

1. take a rest from writing
2. Start from scratch
3. repost and hopefullly get a more a positive reaction =] anyway thanks again!
veraxcity - / 7  
Sep 29, 2009   #10
I agree and disagree with the above comments. It definitely needs to be trimmed, and you veer into a rather common topic ("we're all the same underneath"). But I was suprised you did go to that, since at the beginning it seemed you were going to talk about how we're different. You start saying you "longed to stand out like the..." etc. If you continued by speaking on how you are / grew to be different, rather than on how you started fitting in, this essay would be much more interesting.


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