Dear Roomie,
I love argyle. Cross-hatching diamonds, different colors, dotted lines; what's not to love? You can wear an argyle sweater with jeans, an argyle shirt with dress pants or even argyle pajamas, if you're a real risk taker. In one day, I could go through three different outfits, all of which incorporate argyle! Although I know I sound like a prime candidate for TLC's "What Not to Wear," I assure you, there's more to it than that.
My personality and interests are a dynamic blend, just like argyle. I love to explore new ideas and activities. I'm truly up for anything. Maybe you'll take me to a lacrosse game or an African dance festival. Likewise, I'll drag you to an a capella concert and a swim meet. I'll expose you to show tunes, you can play me your favorite death metal bands. My matzah, your eggnog. Together we can create a unique educational blend unattainable without the other.
I'm confident the argyle sweater of our college experience will be brightly colored and hopefully very comfortable. I'm so excited to begin that journey together. Our dorm room is going to be amazing. I'm bringing surround sound speakers, a futon and some of my mom's banana bread (which is delectable). And please, don't be scared; I swear to you, the argyle was just a metaphor. Well, mostly. You might catch me wearing a sweater or two.
Your Future Roommate,
Michael
This is really great! Such a clever way to express yourself!
Personally, I would leave out "Our dorm room is going to be amazing."
Other than that, leave it just as it is!
Really impressive and unique. Stick to it!
Cross-hatching diamonds, different colors, dotted lines- what's not to love?
maybe a dash would be better than a semicolon.
Your angle is very unique and caught me at the first sight!
But your tone is a little bigoted. Maybe you can be more communicative and try to talk to your roommate, for example, ask her something.
Well, I'm probably going to be rooming with a guy, unless Stanford offers coed rooming these days ;)
But I guess I'm a little confused what part of the essay comes off as bigoted?
I don't know where it is bigoted either, but it might just be that Song Wei has a misconception about what bigoted means. By the way, I think Song Wei is the prettiest name I have ever heard!
About the argyle, I had to look at it on wikipedia because I didn't really know what it was. That is just me, though -- I am clueless. This essay is funny and cool, but it will be even better if you manage to give a little mention to what is really going on here with this essay: convincing the AO reader that you are serious about and prepared for your chosen career. How about mentioning a little more about things that reflect your well-conceived plan?
:-)
Also, I like it this way:
I swear, to you, ...
Maybe you could tie in Stanford with the argyle? What you're saying could be used for any university. Mention why you want to live in Stanford's dorms.
