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"My love for art & computers" UC Prompt #2


intropella 2 / 9  
Nov 29, 2013   #1
Hello!
Please help me correct my grammar mistakes and also any ideas that I can help improve my essay. Thank you very much! :]

Prompt 2:

Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?"

A question that was asked repeatedly: "What is your favorite hobby?" and I simply replied, "art". Since I was fairly young, I love doing activities that sparked my interest. Art was the biggest factor of my life, because art made me fascinated how breathtaking it was created. Not only I was fascinated with art, but computers as well. I was so intrigued how the fundamentals of computers. I was able to merge art and computer together. I am very proud that I was able to continue my hobbies through dedication and interest.

Art made me pondered about if I want to do well in art. I do! I had so many creative ideas to create an artwork, but I lacked skills in order to create the piece. Sometimes, art makes me go insane and makes me fluster when I do not execute what I want. I took a deep breath and proceed in a calm matter, until I understand the techniques and how art flows.

Computers fascinated me as well to see design digitally on a screen. I try to get on the Internet as much as I can when I was young. I stumbled upon a website called Neopets in the third grade, and I saw many graphic designs and themes that fascinated me. It got me interested in designing, which incorporated well in my love for art too.

I had an ambitioned to create theme and designs similar what people are creating and I immediately absorbed everything as much as I can. I was never able to attend classes because I was too young, so I self-taught myself. I tend to get flustered easily when I do not understand the tutorials, so I have read dozens of others tutorials online. For art, I just viewed the picture and mimicked it on a piece of paper. For computer, I browsed through tutorials online. I eventually learned how to use Adobe Photoshop and basic HTML, and successfully created my first very website.

Sometimes, I become displeased when I failed at drawing or coding. However, I still enjoyed what I was creating and it eventually improved my skills. Through art, I learned new techniques. Though computer, I learned new computer skills such as JQUERY, CSS, CC+, and much more.

It always enlightens me when people asked if I could teach them. I happily agreed because I want them to achieve the same skills as I do. People got frustrated when they tried to mimic me. I proceed telling them that skills don't develop overnight; it takes practice.

With the knowledge I have, I created several projects and I am continuing using them today. Currently, I am working on an iPhone application for at least seven months that would one-day benefit teachers and students worldwide. The application I am developing is mainly for students who are forgetful. This application will help notify students the day before if they have homework or have tests or quiz the next day. I want to meet people in college with little to no art or computer experience and teach them skills that they might find enjoyable like I did.
OP intropella 2 / 9  
Nov 29, 2013   #2
Hello! Can someone have a quick look for me?
abjohnson117 3 / 10 1  
Nov 29, 2013   #3
Art was the biggest factor of my life, because art made me fascinated how breathtaking it was created.
Sounds awkward, try revising.

I try to get on the Internet as much as I can when I was young.
Try to proofread a little bit more, you have a lot of mistakes with your tenses.

Art made me pondered about if I want to do well in art.
Try revising.

Though computer, I learned new computer skills such as JQUERY, CSS, CC+, and much more.
Super awk. Remember the people reading you essay are probably not going to know what 'all that' is. Maybe try saying: "Through computer, I learned new computer skills necessary to create professionalized art" or something like that.

With the knowledge I have, I created several projects and I am continuing using them today. Currently, I am working on an iPhone application for at least seven months that would one-day benefit teachers and students worldwide. The application I am developing is mainly for students who are forgetful. This application will help notify students the day before if they have homework or have tests or quiz the next day. I want to meet people in college with little to no art or computer experience and teach them skills that they might find enjoyable like I did.

Not a fitting conclusion at all. this just talks about what you are going to be doing. Be sure to talk about how these skills make you proud, and how they truly molded you as a person

Go over and proofread a little bit, and maybe some minor alterations, and it will come along.
OP intropella 2 / 9  
Nov 29, 2013   #4
Thank you so much for your proof reading!
English is not my first language, so there are tons of grammar mistakes.
OP intropella 2 / 9  
Nov 29, 2013   #5
I changed my conclusion...
What do you think??

"Art and computers are the two main things I enjoy creating. It made me motivated to continue my hobby as an actual career. With the knowledge I have, I created several projects and I am continuing using these skills today. The skills I have helped me explore openly to be more creative through designs. Not only that, but I want to use my skills to benefit others worldwide. Without these hobbies, my creativity and my motivation to contribute to society will be non-existence. "
abjohnson117 3 / 10 1  
Nov 29, 2013   #6
That is actually really good. It really shows how important it is to you, which I think is really important. Good job!
OP intropella 2 / 9  
Nov 29, 2013   #7
Yay! Awesome! Thank you so much for you help! :]
However, if you see anymore grammar mistakes I have please pin-point it to me. English is my weakest subject. TT TT
abjohnson117 3 / 10 1  
Nov 29, 2013   #8
Haha, just make sure to read it out loud or something. But I think that it's okay.
OP intropella 2 / 9  
Nov 29, 2013   #9
Haha the problem is that English is not my first language. It's a bit difficult for me to read it out loud because I do not speak English in my household.


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