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'Love for art, music, computers, web/media, acting' - College Application


mantica 1 / 1  
Oct 23, 2011   #1
The things that motivate us in life will lead us to do what we want if we are passionate and determined. Growing up in Nicaragua I've realized what exactly motivates me, and what I aspire to be. I've realized that the only thing that matters to me is being successful in whatever I do and working hard to achieve whatever it is that I want. I'm not aiming to lose myself in fame and fortune, but I dream big and will never settle for mediocrity.

I realized that my talents are the perfect combination for what I want to study. My love for art, music, computers, web/media, acting, and many other things has influenced my decision for what I want to study and eventually what I want my career to be. I've had the chance to grow and learn more about my interests. This is why I know that marketing would be the ideal major for me, because I can use my talents to effectively catch the attention of consumers and sell any product.

When I was twelve years old, my dad asked me if I wanted to host a documentary of Nicaragua for tourists, and of course, I accepted eagerly. In the ninth grade we finished the second edition of "Adventures in Nicaragua". The documentary displayed all of Nicaragua's main attractions, from active volcanoes, to crocodile-infested rivers. I would spend most of my weekends and vacations filming the documentary with my dad and the rest of the film crew. This is one of my most rewarding work experiences, not only in front of the cameras, but also selling the video in several events and fairs in Miami. When we traveled to the Sates to sell the video we focused on selling it to Nicaraguans that had moved to the States because those were the people who would want to see what Nicaragua looks like today. This gave me a good impression of what Nicaragua can offer to the world as well as giving me a great work experience in business and marketing.

Sadly, living in Nicaragua has also shown me the down-side of this country, and what a country looks like without industrial development, and I have concluded that a big part of the issue is the lack of proper marketing and administration in Nicaraguan companies. Everything produced in Nicaragua is sent off to the States and is then manufactured into a finished product, ready to be sold for a huge profit. In the town of Catarina families make small profits selling pottery. Businessmen take advantage and make pottery to be advertised as authentic pre-Columbian art whilst tourists get the same deal for less. I believe that with the right kind of marketing and management, pottery makers can start earning a real salary from their jobs and coffee planters can start making Starbucks quality products if somebody helps them manufacture a finished product and advertise it well.

My experiences have given me a mature perspective on what is needed for successful business and has also given me the perfect foundation to become a creative businessman. Nicaragua has given me the right vision and motivation for success and I trust that this vision will help my college experience in academics as well as becoming prepared for my future in business and marketing.

I haven't had anyone proofread my essay yet and I think it needs a lot of work. Basically all I'm trying to say is that I have many skills and that I can use those to become a better student and businessman. Tell me what you think and what needs to be changed. I know that it is a very rough draft. Thanks :).
perroni - / 1  
Oct 25, 2011   #2
hi mantica.to me using different range of vocabulary is nice.but the thing that make me upset is using I in your essay even for several time!you know for having a well arranged essay personal ideas must not be included.it is self evident that your writing is like writing memory.your introduction and conculotion is nice.try to use passive structure in your essay more.
OP mantica 1 / 1  
Oct 25, 2011   #3
Thank you for your reply. I will look into using passive structure but can you give me an example on how I would change my essay in order to not use "I"?


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