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"I love badminton" - UC prompt 2 essay


NOkiaT 4 / 6  
Nov 29, 2008   #1
Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?

I love the fast paced sport of badminton. Speed, power, and flexibility is required in this sport. Yet I encounter constant remarks that "badminton is not a sport" and "badminton does not take any skills," from my fellow peers. At my school badminton is condemned as "the Asian sport." Oddly enough I constantly find myself challenging these very people, disproving their previous thoughts about this sport.

As a child, I was the kid that was picked last (especially in basketball) in P.E. Not due to my physical incapability, but the Asian stereotype that surrounds me. My teammates perceived me to be a shy Asian nerd who spends most of his time hitting the books. These were the very opportunities I relished. Beating people in basketball and paintball was my ultimate opportunity to prove that I am not your average stereotype. But ironically now, I find myself playing a sport that is the epitome of "being Asian."

In the beginning of my badminton years, the team had lost a significant amount of talented seniors. During my sophmore year, many rival teams and friends believed that Mission Bay badminton was "doomed," and that we would be lucky to even make the playoffs. I took this opportunity to not only train that much harder in badminton, but prove to everyone, that my team's future is not gonna go down the drain. Ironically enough, my coach and my teammates seem to have that same inner fire, to prove everyone wrong. This sense of doubt and negativity prompted us to work that much harder and be that much better. Funny thing is that towards the end of the season my team had a near perfect record, 16-1 and was one of the 2 teams to make it to CIF Championships.

The sport of badminton in a way and my sophmore season defines the type of person that I am. I am a go getter, I love to disprove people's thoughts, and that I am much more than your average stereotype. Beginning of my sophmore year, there were numerous doubts that our season was gonna end in failure. We lacked talent and experience, but we did not lack heart and determination. Despite our handicaps, we shattered previous thoughts, proved people wrong, and most importantly proved that badminton is much more than your average stereotype.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Nov 30, 2008   #2
Let's use some commas to separates words in quotation marks:

Yet I encounter constant remarks like, "Badminton is not a sport," and, "Badminton does not require any skills," from my fellow peers. At my school, badminton is condemned as the "Asian" sport.

Commas and quotation marks can be tricky. Here is another correction:

I am a go-getter. I love to disprove people's preconceptions, and I am much more than your average stereotype. At the beginning of my sophomore year, there were numerous doubts that our season was going to in failure.

Add some reflection on how this success ties in with your dreams for the present and future. Good luck!!

Kevin
TheFlameProof 4 / 20  
Nov 30, 2008   #3
Yet I encounter constant remarks that "badminton is not a sport" and "badminton does not take any skills," from my fellow peers. At my school badminton is condemned as "the Asian sport." Oddly enough I constantly find myself challenging these very people, disproving their previous thoughts about this sport.

Personally, i think you could do without this. They seem like unneeded generalizations and the statement also seems a bit pessimistic to me, but that's just my opinion.

maybe approach this sentence another way, maybe? be more specific? i don't, it just didn't sound right to me.

and at the end, I agree with EF_Kevin that you should spend a little more time on the reflection aspect of your essay.

good luck :)

if you could comment on mine too, that would be great.
thanks!


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