A. NYU's global network provides students with hundreds of academic areas of interest for students to cultivate their intellectual curiosity and to help achieve their career goals. Whether you are entirely undecided about your academic plans or you have a definitive program of study in mind, what are your own academic interests? Feel free to share any thoughts on any particular programs or how you might explore those interests at NYU on any of our campuses. 1500 Characters
The mystery of our living environment, the life of each unique creature and how human get along with them, this is a question relating to our future and also the most intriguing knowledge to me. In junior high school, first time learning about the origin of life and the development of Earth, I noticed my love for animal and natural environment immediately. Each time, when I saw the "behaviors" of animals and plants I learned in class, truly happen on mountains, in parks, even the small garden in school. I was amazed and excited, uncontrollably having an impulse of sharing this finding to all people, to show them the wonderful things around us, which has long been ignored by most.
The understanding of Mother Nature teaches me to look at the world with curiosity and a whole new viewpoint. Propelled by my passion, I chose to attend the class focusing on medicine & biology in high school, where I learned to conduct my own biological experiments and the logical methods of research. Also I took part in a variety of activities, like mountain-climbing, beach-cleaning and club, gradually building up my knowledge on different kinds of creatures and ecosystems. After three years in high school, being more determined to pursue my love for natural environment, I believe NYU, a university with connection to the world, and advanced research opportunities, will be the place where I can bring myself to the next level.
I try to talk about my love to explore the wilderness and Mother Nature.
I want to make it look more sincere and passionate, please tell me how you see my work. Be as critique as you can!!
Really appreciate it!
Honestly, I feel that your essay seems to be translated from chinese... Perhaps I'm thinking too much haha. I tried to correct some grammatical mistakes and awkward sentences:
The mystery of our living environment- the life of each unique creature and how humans get along with them, this is a questionmatterrelatingrelated to our future and also the most intriguing knowledge to me.
In junior high school, first time learning about the origin of life and the development of EarthThe first time I learned about life and nature in junior school , I noticed my love for animals and naturalthe environment immediately. Whenever I see the "behaviors" of animals and plants I learned in class happening in front of me, I am amazed and excited. Furthermore, I will have an uncontrollable impulse to share my findings with everyone; I want to show them the wonderful things around us, which they have forgotten in the pursuit of wealth.
The understanding of Mother Nature teaches me to look at the world with curiosity and a whole new viewpoint. Propelled by my passion, I chose to attend the classesfocusingfocused on medicine & biology in high school, where I learned to conduct my own biological experiments and the logical methods of research. Also, I took part in a variety of activities, (comma not needed) like mountain-climbing, beach-cleaning and club (what club?) , gradually building up my knowledge onabout/regarding different kinds of creatures and ecosystems. After three years in high school, being moreI am determined to pursue my love for natural environmentBiology. I believe NYU, a university with connection to the world (what kind of connection) , and advanced research opportunities, will be the place where I can bring myself to the next level.
Okay... that pretty much sums up what I think has to be corrected. Now, comments about the content. I think your essay is too abstract without details. My suggestion is to focus on something that happened and show it to us instead of telling. (For example, you saw a bees flying with patterns that signals their kind about danger etc, just as you learned from books). Enrich our experience of reading your essay. Overall, your essay answer the prompt accurately.
Good luck =)
i will agree with "weeyizhi "
You have some grammar mistakes , but in general it seems good , a little wordy ,
Introduction is awesome i thought this essay is gonna rock but 2nd paragraph is kind of "boring"
I agree the second paragraph seems to be lacking. You mention so many different things try to focus on a few points and explain them better. I also find it odd that you don't mention NYU or what you plan to pursue at NYU until the very end. (thats just my opinion though)
Thank you so much for your help!
Well, I am a Taiwanese, but I wrote it in English, perhaps I am still not used to writing English essays.
I will try to change the flaws of my work, hope you guys can check it again!
And if you have any essays need review, just post in this thread, I will try my best to help.
Thanks again for your advice!!
The overall structure is fine, but better be more specific about your real experience. Best of luck!
