"I love to deal with numbers" ..Another GTown essay..

APPLICANTS TO THE MCDONOUGH SCHOOL OF BUSINESS: Briefly describe the factors that have influenced your interest in studying business.

"For me, the most important reason why I want to study business is that I love to deal with numbers, to face changes, to overcome challenges and to predict the unpredictable things. Studying business provides me chances to keep up with the changing world.

The second reason is that China has gone through a drastic economic development in the last thirty years, and I am very interested in the whole process. And one good way for me to understand it is to learn business.

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Good morning.

"For me, the most important reason why I want to study business is that I love to deal with numbers, to face changes, to overcome challenges and to predict the unpredictable things. Studying business provides me chances to keep up with the changing world."

You begin this statement by writing that you have one favorite reason (singular) for studying business, but then you list a series of reasons (plural) as your explanation. This is confusing; if you are going to write about a singular reason, state it and move on. If not, let your audience know that you are going to discuss multiple items, and then move on to them.

Thank you. I will rewrite it now. :)

Good afternoon.

Much more organized. I have a few corrections in the last paragraph though:

"The third factor that has greatly influenced my decision is the 2008 economic crisis. After the skyrocketing price of oil and almost every daily product in our life, I keep wondering how long will the economic crisis that happened in America affect the whole world. The huge scale of this crisis has stirred my interests in economics and business. The power of the economic crisis can drive Iceland, the whole country, into the state of bankruptcy. I have to admit that the global economy does have the power to change the whole world. I am very interested in understanding the business principles and theories."

Much improved.

Regards,
Gloria
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