Unlike any of my siblings, I love to draw. I believe I am a very good artist and I have several accolades to show that I am. Since the age of five, I have spent most of my leisure times drawing. When I was fourteen years old, I desired something more challenging than casual drawing, so I joined my high school's International Art Club.
On the first day, we the new-comers had to take a diagnostic test to help measure our ability, and group us into different levels. The diagnostic test consisted, mainly, of still-life drawing.
The test was really competitive as nobody wanted to be at the bottom level. During the test, there was a lot of tension in the room, and to make things worse, my patron was constantly correcting my technique. From my positioning to my lines to my cross-hatching, nothing I did seemed right to him. With all these complaints, even I began to doubt my abilities
The entire first week, I was stuck with the patron. He kept repeating that I should make my line single and faint and not rough and dark. While my body and my mind told me to quit, in my heart, I felt that quitting was not the right response. I wanted to prove to my patron that I was better than what he thought of me and I wanted to become a better artist.
So, I continued to practice. Many times, I felt as though I had pushed myself to my limit and could not go any further. My goals of becoming a greater artist, and proving to my patron that I was better were what kept me going. I practiced a lot, and finally, I conquered the physical and mental challenge of the art. After just a few months, I became a better artist and I was able to rectify my patron's perception of me.
When facing a challenge, it is easy to quit. But in order to achieve something, persistence and commitment are essential. By being consistent in my efforts, I know success will be likely. Weaknesses, setbacks and failures are a part of life. However, due to my experience in my high school's International Art Club, I now know how to overcome these imperfections, and not be dictated by them.
I am not sure that this sentence fits in the first paragraph.
"I believe I am a very good artist and I have several accolades to show that I am."
With all these complaints, even I began to doubt my abilities.
Maybe a word change here?
I became a better artist and I was able to rectify my patron's perception of me.
Just my thoughts.. Good Luck!
thank you glaserjf... but if that sentence does not fit in, should I delete it or re-construct it?... and if the word "rectify" does not fit in, what can I put in there?
Hey, I have a different idea... I don't think the mention of siblings is relevant to the essay.
You should consider doing this:
Unlike any of my siblings, I love to draw. I believe I am a very good artist and I have several accolades to show that I am. Since the age of five, I have ...so I joined my high school's International Art Club. (All this is very good, but at the end of the first paragraph you should add a THESIS STATEMENT that tells the MAIN IDEA of the whole essay.
You wrote this essay very well, but the theme is simple. It could be shared in a single paragraph or sentence: "My critical patron made me feel frustrated, and this frustration motivated me in a way that caused me to persevere and gain a new insight about overcoming limitations."---That sums up the whole essay. Therefore, I think you should ADD a new concept to the essay. Dig deeper, and pull out another insight to share with the reader. It will be great if you go a step further and share an additional insight about struggle and perseverance as an artist.
:-)
