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Love at first sight; Why Hamilton college?

Nabgyamfi 2 / 7  
Dec 25, 2013   #1
please help me to greatly improve my essay. I have written something but i think it is weak. I have to submit it by this weekend and i urgently need your help.

Just like how a year dies and a new year is born, my love for Hamilton College was instantaneous. Attracted to Hamilton upon first site in my college search, I was compelled to explore what the school actually held. It was then I realized my attraction to Hamilton was genuine and it was the place where I should be.

I believe Hamilton is the place which can help me nurture my dream due to its tolerance. A school which gives students a voice, Hamilton presents an open educational curriculum and challenges the faculties of students in their academic field. Students have the free option to choose courses they believe they can thrive, and the small class size with students fewer than twenty as well as a student to faculty ratio of nine is to one, students are almost assured to learn a great deal from each lesson. The small class size i believe will also create a healthy relationship between students and lecturers, thus students can exploit a great deal of knowledge from them which prepares the Hamilton student to face the challenges of the world as well finding solutions to them.

Hamilton with its rural setting merged with its racial diversity presents a culturally assimilated atmosphere where students can learn cultures from one another. Its Greek life also introduces its students to some ancient experience.

I being an individual who advocate strongly for tolerance in all spheres of life, I couldn't have chosen a more perfect match. I believe at Hamilton all my abilities will be refined through intensive class work and extracurricular activities and I can almost be certain to obtain a solid foundation on which I can build my future of being a neurosurgeon. Being a person who also loves to learn a lot about different cultures the atmosphere at Hamilton will just be sublime.
akshay1996 5 / 11  
Dec 25, 2013   #2
The style of your writing is great, but at the same time I feel you should add in something specific about Hamilton college. Is there something specific which appeals to your taste? Search their website thoroughly - it might be related to your academic program or an extracurricular interest! Good luck! :)
OP Nabgyamfi 2 / 7  
Dec 26, 2013   #3
i thank you very much for your advice. i will work on that.
i will post in a revised version and i will really appreciate your views.
dumi 1 / 6,927 1592  
Dec 26, 2013   #4
Just like how a year dies and a new year is born, my love for Hamilton College was instantaneous. A

For me, this is not very interesting. I believe your response needs to be more factual than verbose. You've got a strict word count, so you've got to be more careful with managing your words. You need to make use of every word and they should contribute to your essay more meaningfully.

I being an individual who advocate strongly for tolerance in all spheres of life,

This part needs to be rephrased....not good with its presentation :(
OP Nabgyamfi 2 / 7  
Dec 26, 2013   #5
i love you response. i will work on that. thank you.
i will write a new essay and seek for your views.
pstreitz - / 1  
Dec 26, 2013   #6
I would take a harder look at Hamilton. Go to collegeguide org and google in regard to heroin, men, rape, she fears you, and freedom of speech. See what you come up with. You might also look up Cultural Marxism and marching through the institutions to better understand college life today.

You must be an immigrant. The Greeks are Greek letter fraternities and sororities. Generally WASP, but others are there as well. Hamilton confiscated them by not allowing the students to eat in the fraternities, thus bankrupting. There was a long legal battle over this, which the fraternities lost. They now exist on campus as social organizations. In contrast the Afro-Latin Cultural Center has its own facilities. I suggest you read a few issues of the college newspapers that you are thinking about, they give the best clues as to life on campus.

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