Prompt: Please tell us what you find most appealing about Columbia and why 300 word limit
I also feel that I can easily modify this essay into Stanford's What matters to you and why essay.
Please comment what you think! and offer your advice and suggestions! Thanks!
I love looking into a fish tank and seeing the different array of fishes, decorations, and plants. It seems so trivial to enjoy watching the fish elegantly glide across each other however what really attracts me to fish is what the collection of fish represents. The complex combination of fish and plants is truly mesmerizing. Columbia offers me the vital diversity that I desire.
In a way, fish tanks can be thought of as a mix of different cultures. Cichlids originate from Africa; lionfish originate from the Indo-Pacific region; loaches initially came from East Asia. As the different species come together, I am reminded of how diverse our society is. Even in my small home town, there are a myriad of different cultures and ethnicities. However, I desire more than what is offered in my hometown. Diversity is what allows this world to become smaller. Becoming well versed in other cultures and traditions allows one to understand the idiosyncrasies of those cultures.
Recently, my father had a scuffle with our neighbor. My father immigrated to the United States twenty-two years ago from South Korea and he still holds true to some Korean customs. Korea has a very strict social hierarchy in which the older one is the higher up to hierarchy one is, so the younger generation is taught to obey those who are older. Therefore my father became agitated when my neighbor began talking back to my father. The situation did not escalate anything serious however there is a simple solution. The solution is view more fish.
Columbia is located in the most diverse city in the United States. The cultural growth is endless. I firmly believe that education should be a culmination of wisdom and culture. I want to see more fish and Columbia offers me exactly that.
Adam, the fish tank analogy is an excellent representation of your interest in Columbia. However, it could be presented in a more interesting manner. Paragraph 1 can actually be improved by better representing the analogy in terms of the Columbia community. I would have approached the introduction this way:
The student community of Columbia University reminds me of a fish tank. A community of people moving around in one community, and yet, not a single member of the community can be considered to the same as the other They co-exist in the same surroundings, using their differences to make the community better and more habitable for everyone living there. The fish are friends and none are enemies. They live in harmony and understanding of one another. .In a fish tank, the Cichlids originate from Africa; lionfish originate from the Indo-Pacific region; loaches initially came from East Asia, all of these fishes come from different waters, have different experiences, and yet, they can come together to create a thriving small community in the tank. It seems so trivial to enjoy watching the fish elegantly glide across each other however what really attracts me to fish is what the collection of fish represents. The complex combination of fish and plants is truly mesmerizing. Columbia offers me the same vital diversity that I desire after having seen an example of the life in the fish tank.
If you think that introduction is more effective for your essay, then feel free to use it :-)
When you discuss your father and his difference with the neighbor, don't leave it hanging by saying he should view more fish. Complete the thought behind that analogy. Actually, I don't think this paragraph is necessary in this essay because it is not related to your point of view regarding what is appealing about Columbia. I believe that your first statement alone is more than enough to respond to the prompt. Specially if you revise it based upon my suggestion above. You should save the paragraph about your father for the Stanford essay instead. I think it fits better into that prompt.
- It seems so trivial toand I enjoy
- attracts me to a fish
- is what the collection of fishit represents.
- plants is truly mesmerizing.and Columbia offers me just the same, the vital diversity that I desire.
- the older one is the higher up to hierarchy one isranks high ,
Well, the analogy that you put in the fish tank is very interesting and you're right, the fish tank is like a school, a university, an institution, only not for humans but for fish but it denotes the same environment, a tank of hope that someday, equality will reign and everybody will be treated equal, angel fish and ballast shark alike.
Your essay is written well, I know that you could've done more but this should suffice the prompt.
I hope my humble remarks helped and I wish you the best of luck!!!
