I LOVE HISTORY; Cornell college of Arts and Sciences essay

this is my rough draft of my application essay for the college of arts and sciences. if anyone can take a look at it and give me some feedback that would be great. thanks

prompt:
College of Arts and Sciences:
Describe your intellectual interests, their evolution, and what makes them exciting to you. Tell us how you will utilize the academic programs in the College of Arts and Sciences to further explore your interests, intended major, or field of study.

my essay:

For a long time, my intellectual interests have lain primarily in history. I think the roots of my inclination towards history lie in the fact that for a long time, reading was my absolute favorite thing to do with my free time. My love of reading and thinking about different ways of doing things translated naturally into an interest in the past and how people used to do things.

I first became really interested in history in third grade, when we watched a video on the ancient Mayans in class. I was fascinated by the ruins, and by the people who used to live there. Ever since, I have loved to learn about how people used to live; what they used to eat, what they used to build, and what they used to do for fun. As I grew older and my history classes became more advanced and in depth, I became interested in how the history affects the present; in other words, how the way things were influences how the way things are now. I think the first time that this concept really took hold of me was when my 9th grade history teacher explained that part of the reason that there are so many problems in Africa is because the slave trade took millions of the continent's most able bodied citizens away, just as the continent was beginning to develop. After I heard that, I really began to look at history objectively, examining conditions in different parts of the world and looking for clues in history of how they got to be that way. Why does Russia seem to have an inclination towards harsher rulers? What are the roots of Middle Eastern resentment of Westerners? Why did the Japanese fight so ruthlessly in World War Two? These are the types of questions that I like to look for answers to. I also search for lessons that can be learned from history and applied to current events. What happens when the CIA interferes in a foreign country? What lessons can be learned from the Soviet invasion of Afghanistan? These are my intellectual interests: studying history, and looking for things that can be connected to today.

I would take advantage of many academic programs in the College of Arts and Sciences to further explore my interest in history. Looking through a list of offered courses in the history department alone, I see so many that I would love to take, the types of classes I can only dream about taking in a small high school like mine. Classes like Imperial Russia, Study of Terrorism, and Strategy in World War II are the types of things that really grab my interest and get me excited to go to college.

I believe that history is important because it can teach us lessons that are valuable today. This is why I want to go to Cornell- it seems to me to be the best place to get an excellent education and to continue my study and exploration of history.

thanks again!

Awesome! A Cornell essay. Go you!


I don't feel that you describe the evolution of your interest for history very well.

You write about how you look at history but not how you started liking it. You do have one example about how the mayan video made you like to study history but you never state why this is.


I would say that a branch of history is, in fact, connecting it to today.


Quite broad. Especially since you give no examples of this throughout your essay.


Why?

All the questions you ask in your body paragraph are, no doubt, already answered. I, for one, know why Japanese people fought so ruthlessly.

After reading this I do understand your love of history but I do not understand how you love history enough to pursue it as a career.

Good luck

Start here.