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"I love languages" - Multilingualism


Haru21 6 / 18  
Nov 29, 2009   #1
Uc Prompt: Describe a personal quality and how it relates to the person you are.

I know this has a lot of grammatical errors, and I think I need to cut it down by 200 words ;A;
Also maybe this sounds too much like a describe your world essay.

Help?


I am constantly surrounded by different languages.

During the summer, I would tell my father "ohayo" after I awake from a pleasant sleep, since it will be one of the few times I get greet him good morning as my visits to Japan are usually short-lived. When I get back home, I'd ask my mother "kumusta ka" to see how she has been in my long trip of absence, or ask my step dad if he "liked the souvenirs I got him". Hence, speaking in Japanese, Tagalog, and English comes naturally to me, as Asian blood runs through my veins and the American culture through my heart. Each tongue represents a unique aspect of who I am, because I represent the different concept and ideals of each these nationalities.

When I'm in Japan, I feel more emotional about the words spoken to me. It takes fewer phrases to relate to people, and the dramas I watch can have me crying harder than I ever could for English films. I eventually learned that it was because the Japanese language utilized the right side of the brain. I am proud that I could use an artistic tongue that held such an emotional depth. My father certainly has this trait of creativity in creating multiple businesses that deals with everything from cars to restaurants, and I can see some of this imagination in myself.

I am family-oriented due to my Filipino side. A Filipino family should be defined as a tight-knit group that extends further and deeper than blood, always accepting and friendly towards all who they meet. I often find myself at parties with many unfamiliar "uncles" and "aunts" whom I have never met, but they instantly treat me as if they've known me for years. Everyone is always concerned with my health, and likes to make sure that I'm well fed. My mother embodies this warm culture, and passes it on through me.

My English culture is just as important, as it melts all the other nationalities into one common language. Living in California, it was inevitable that I learned conversational Spanish, because then I wouldn't be able to "jajaja" with my friends. I ended up learning Telegu from my best friend, since she's practically my soul sister. She'd often make fun of my accent when I say "Dhanyavaadaalu!", or thanks, for helping me out with my homework. Sometimes, I would memorize the lyrics of a Mandarin song from an anime show I watch and recite it for my piano teacher.

I love language so much that I ended up learning survival phrases in Italian, French, and German over the summer I went to Europe. I found it empowering to have the ability to communicate with anyone, and understand what thought or emotion they were trying to relay to me. I love this part of myself because with every phrase I learn, I become a new person. As I speak the words of each culture, I become a part of them, and they, a part of me.

Awkward last sentence. Really bad use of diction, I'm sorry. It was rushed. Suggestions?
nannna 3 / 14  
Nov 29, 2009   #2
My passion as a linguist caused me to learn survival phrases in Italian, French, and German over the summer I went to Europe. I found it empowering to have the ability to communicate with anyone, and understand what thought or emotion they were trying to express to me. I love this part of myself because with every phrase I learn, I become a new person. As I speak the words of each culture, I become a part of them, and they, a part of me.

(hm... nice detail in the first 3 paragraphs and it gives examples to what you learned. but i recommend shortening those bits and extending your last paragraph, because that is the one that really relates to who YOU are. its like you went through the whole essay to get your last paragraph only to leave readers with a tinsy tinsy tinsy tinsy tinsy paragraph about you.) I WANNA KNOW MORE ABOUT YOU, and how being exposed to differnt cultures have affected you over all).

overall, i like it and it gives me a better impression of who you are. though in the first parapgrah when you talk about japanes eblood, you make it seem as though being born japanese automatically makes you able to convey emotiosn through small phrases. so maybe elaborate on how you learned it (or from whom).
yang 2 / 313  
Nov 29, 2009   #3
haha your essay greatly reminds me of my own essay on diversity.

Although your essay is very nicely written with many details, it doesn't conform to the topic. Talk about a "personal quality" HOW THAT QUALITY IS IMPORTANT TO YOU. It's great to say that it's important "My English culture is just as important" but it has to be more than "as it melts all the other nationalities into one common language".

It's not about how many languages you learned, but how these changed you or shaped your view on the world.

I can see that it's rushed because it's only a bunch of events and no real thinking. The reader doesn't get your psychology. As my english teacher said "You can either turn this in, or a real essay that will give you a fair chance at the college".
OP Haru21 6 / 18  
Nov 29, 2009   #4
Uwaaaaaa im going crazy. I wrote 6 different topic essays for this prompt and each got progressively worse. Its like im afraid to write about me or something.

Thank you so much for reviewing them everyone. I'm under enormous mental pressure.
pirouette 1 / 3  
Nov 29, 2009   #5
this is well written and your multiculturality is well shown by the way, i think it a little more needs to describe your personality I enjoyed reading this essay thou !:) Wanna comment mine?
yang 2 / 313  
Nov 30, 2009   #6
Haru21, no need to panic, editing essays is an inherent part of the process. I personally got an essay (that I thought was pretty good, and that my current english teacher thought was good) DESTROYED by my 10th grade Harvard grad english teacher. So I had to rewrite.

Remember, they want to know about what you think, not necessarily about the events in your life. So talk about your THOUGHTS. your INSIGHTS. WHY IS MULTILINGUALISM important!

I had the chance to live in Canada, so I speak Chinese, French, and English, and I recognize the joy in that. But that doesn't make me special. See, many can speak different languages and enjoy it, but it's not because of that that you are in anyway different. You need to show HOW YOU ARE DIFFERENT.

1 way to go: discuss in depth the cultures that link to the languages to show your inherent understanding of them.

Or, you could discuss how you learned these and the difficulties you went thru. Not just how hard they are, but how much stress they put on you PSYCHOLOGICALLY (of course, you could add hardworking in that)

Or, you could talk about the things you want to do with these languages: I have these languages and am ambitious heart, and they influenced me into becoming this kind of person, wishing to do these kinds of things.

O, and don't scatter your thoughts by trying to cover all the languages you know. Focus on some that you really like.

Think about this topic in depth, the possibilities are limitless.

Courage.


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