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Uc Prompt #1 My love for music and mothers death

yorke88 1 / -  
Nov 24, 2011   #1
Criticize all you want , I don't like writing essays and very less about myself so I need hep
"Describe the world you come from and how it has shaped your dreams and aspirations!"

I dont like to wake up, I like to stay in my dreams where I have a successful business and make music for a living. Where I can fly to Spain, to see my favorite soccer team ,after graduating from the top UC. But most importantly, where I have the satisfaction of achieving this on my own and making my role model proud, my mom who died giving me everything I ever needed . I have to wake up and act on theses dreams ,with open eyes to make them possible. I like to pretend I'm an amnesiac of the past, forgetting my experiences and regrets , and look only towards these dreams , but I cease to it , because every time I'm faced with my goals, I remember how my parents achieved their dreams despite their limitations , and given me the motivation and independence to find my own aspirations . Deciding even if i should apply to college has been hard because of financial need, but my dad, has given me his confidence that I won't fail and be a role model to my younger sisters during the hardest times of our lives, not financially but emotionally.

I grew up in Mexico with parents that never went to college, my mom grew up in absolute poverty , and my dad moved away from his family at 15 to live by himself. We lived in a very poor neighborhood during my childhood but when i was 6 however, we immigrated to the US to find the American Dream. I have lived under their dream, and after constantly moving homes every year , I realize that every new home was better off than the last one. My parents perseverance to find financial stability in a new country, not knowing the language , has allowed me to see them go from the poverty to financial stability in a prosperous neighborhood in which I live in today. This has given me the motivation to achieve my goals by myself without any excuses and with the least help that I need because I know that they only looked at themselves when they needed anything.

Due to their lack of education, and knowledge of english, my parents haven't been able to support me in many of my daily tasks and their difference in culture and background have lead me to lead a very independent lifestyle. Having bad relations with my dad, and after the death of my mother, I have been given the freedom to do many things free from constraint or control. This freedom has lead me to make many mistakes and choose wrong directions where I have faced negative influences from my friends that have gone to rehab, been in trouble with the law, or have even been impregnated . I don't want to stay in a continuous loop of addiction and failure as some of my friends. The freedom and independence that has been given to me has helped me build my passion for music. Ever since I started going to concerts at the beginning of high school, I have been hooked on music . My dad has given me the financial freedom and support to take piano lessons, and to produce music . Seeking distractions from my everyday problems, and negative influences I have realized that I always come back to music. I can't live a day without music. I am listening to music as I'm writing this essay. My life revolves around music. Music, however, won't give me the financial security as a business degree. And i also love math and economics so that's why I seek to follow my parents footsteps and make my own business while pursuing my passion for music at the same time.I want to be a role model and seize the opportunities that have been given to me by parents, as I know they won't always be here for me.
maggiei 3 / 4  
Nov 24, 2011   #2
I think that you have a good start, but your emphasize a lot on your parents lives. while they are so important, you need to focus a bit more on how those experiences impacted you and your development!

but it is definitely a good start
emekaobi 2 / 3  
Nov 24, 2011   #3
You have a good start but you got to focus more on how those experiences made you a stronger person and how it impacted you
amadan 1 / 9  
Nov 27, 2011   #4
I dont like to wake up, I like to stay in my dreams where I have a successful business and make music for a living.

I personally think it would be more effective if you shifted the focus of this essay. Instead of saying that you DONT like to wake up and stay in your dreams, maybe you could say that you LOOK FORWARD to waking up so you can work towards pursuing your dreams and turning them into reality. :)

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