The prompt is: tell us something that you would like us to know about you that we might not get from the rest of your application - or something that you would like a chance to say more about. Please limit your essay to fewer than 500 words
Any suggestions on how to improve
I love to be physically involved in creating creative projects. By feeling the textures and curvatures of the materials I am working with, helps me learn the information much quicker. This is referred to as kinesthetic learning style. Nothing is more stimulating than focusing on projects that integrate what I learned to other aspects of my understanding of the world.
In Physics, my teacher gave the class an assignment to design an instrument to heighten our knowledge of the concepts of vibrations and sound waves. No concrete guidelines were given on how to make the instruments or what material to use, but each student was required to make some type of instrument to present in class. I researched different pictures of violins on the internet, before I started my project, to have an idea of the violin I wanted to create. I was determined to make a real working instrument.
First, I went to a crafts shop to buy a cigar box for the body of the violin. As I roamed the store, I discovered some rods which I used as pegs. I also discovered a long piece of narrow piece of wood that became the neck of the violin, and wall trim that became the scroll.
At first, designing the instrument challenged my fluid intelligence, but as I began constructing my violin, understanding of the lesson plan became clearer. As I drilled holes in the wood, I realized that the size of holes in the instrument resonate the sound of the strings, not necessarily the strings themselves. This insightful realization solidified the information in my brain. Also, as I felt the cigar box, I noticed the thickness of the instrument affected the tone of the sound. Being physically involved in the project helped me to learn the practical aspect of the lesson taught in class. Once I was finished with my instrument, I strummed the strings to critique my work. My violin was fully functional, with adjustable pegs and playable strings. Not only did I create a violin that I still have today, I learned that being an active participant in a project matters greatly.
At first, I did not fully understand why creating an instrument would assimilate my knowledge of past concepts, but as I worked on my violin I started to understand the different aspects that pertain to instruments and waves. I love to engage myself in an activity that requires me to think unconventionally to achieve my task and bring my understanding of a concept to reality.
When incorporating new knowledge, I immediately feel for comprehension. I integrate my kinesthetic learning style to make life easier, for example understanding consistency of mashed pumpkin in the preparation of pumpkin pie to keeping a mental picture of different locations in Los Angeles so my adult brother and I can navigate through Little Tokyo with a bus route map. The time I take to truly engross myself in projects I love has paid off.
Hi :) Let me make some suggestions:
I love to be physically involved in creating creative projects. By feeling the textures and curvatures of the materials I am working with, helps me learn the information much quicker. "creating creative" sounds odd, re-word these two sentences, the word "quicker" sounds funny too, check for better-sounding synonyms.
Nothing is more stimulating than focusing on projects that integrate what I learned to other aspects of my understanding of the world. This doesn't make sense, finish your first thought. You could say: "Nothing is more stimulating than focusing on projects that involve the world around me..."
The description of your Physics class is very well-done. The assignment is a great example of a project you have accomplished, and this ties in nicely to the beginning of your essay.
You could change this sentence, just a suggestion:
At first, designing the instrument
challenged my fluid intelligencewas quite challenging , but as I began constructing my violin, understandingthe purpose of the lesson plan became perfectly clear .
Not only did I create a violin that I still have today, I learned that being an active participant in a project matters greatly. change "matters greatly" maybe say "...being an active participant in a project is truly rewarding.
At first, I did not fully understand why creating an instrument would assimilate my knowledge of past concepts, but as I worked on my violin I started to understand the different aspects that pertain to instruments and waves. Excellent. This is basically your main point in the entire paper- change the word "assimilate"
You have written a great essay, you have an interesting topic, and you appear to have many skills in critical thinking. You only need a few minor adjustments, nice work, best of luck to you!
Try not to use the word "love" in your essays, it's something my English teacher is always telling me, because "love" is such an overused and extreme word.
I don't think you need to describe that you went to the store first, to buy materials. It's extra. Just go right into the designing part.
Talk more about how all of this is kinesthetic...you talk more about just making the violin, rather than how this relates to being kinesthetic.
Good luck with your applications!
Hmm I thought the fact that I talked about how I made my violin was kinesthetic, but I'll work on it. Thank you.
By Feeling the textures and curvatures of the materials I am working with helps me learn the information much more quickly.
Though at first, I did not fully understand why creating an instrument would integrate my knowledge...
...make life easier, from understanding the consistency...
delete the comma after Tokyo and maybe switch the places of engross and enjoy in the last sentence.
It's very good and pretty unique- you do have several grammar mistakes, but they are minor and once fixed, this will be a great, well-organized and captivating essay. Great job!
I like the idea you are trying to convey, its pretty unique since most people are visual/auditory. I didn't find any grammatical errors.
Job well done. Good luck:)