This is only a start to the prompt, any suggestions to improve this will be greatly appreciated.
The love for politics was planted in me at a young age but did not have the opportunity to sprout. It was not until a few years after that memorable event, that this passion began to develop. Following my freshman year at L'amoureaux Collegiate I found myself no longer situated in a familiar environment, I had immigrated to a foreign-yet not so foreign-country, the United States. The immigration process that I and my family had to endure, coupled with the negative connotations of the "immigrant" status, made me ashamed to tell those I encountered at school that I was not a natural born citizen. It made me feel like I was a second class citizen and it was this feeling of inferiority which sparked my interest in understanding not only my civil liberties but the political institution in the United States as well-thus beginning my new academic journey.
With three years remaining before I complete my secondary education, my family
took the liberty to enroll me in the closest high school-or prison school, since schools in Las Vegas bared resemblance to criminal penitentiaries. To my surprise, this new academic institution which I enrolled in offered a course in criminal justice and civil liberties. Overjoyed that the school was able to satisfy my desire, I jumped at the opportunity without finish browsing the catalogue for other electives that being offered to me. That course offered me a whole new experience. It was much different compared to the other courses that I had, rather than just studying from the text book-which is an easy and common method of teaching that teachers like to utilize-Mr.Olsen, employed techniques that ensured students' understanding, promoted students' critical thinking skills and at the same time peaked the students' interest in the subject. A few of the most memorable that comes to mind were the case studies, mock trials, projects that required the students to pose questions to attorneys on a certain legal matter, case analysis, watching educational movies such as the twelve angry men, and the exams questions that required not only critical thinking but almost two hours of non-stop writing. Not only did my knowledge of civil liberties and criminal justice increase substantially, but my interest in the subject increased as well.
Although I had a keen interest in politics, it was not until my junior year in high school that I decided that I was going pursue it in my higher education. I had always despised literature for it had never interested me, but in my junior year rather than taking an average English course, I enrolled in world literature for the sake of challenging myself. Although I was achieving outstanding grades in the class I was disinterested in the reads and the class overall. It was not until books such as Brave new world, Animal farm, and 1984 were introduced into the course that I became fascinated in the subject. I never knew the reason as to why I was captivated by those pieces of literature. But after my junior year had ended, I had an epiphany; it was the introduction of politics into the read that changed my perspective of literature.
"in a familiar environment, I had immigrated" That's a completely separate clause, so in order for that to work, you need a colon.
"I'm a second class citizen" Your entire paragraph is in the past tense, but "I'm" is a contraction of "I am," which is the present tense.
Great intro, though you do use a lot of dashes, but if you feel that it is necessary (which I think it might be too), go ahead, be bold!
Again, as I said in some other kid's personal statement, make sure your essay on immigration is OUTSTANDING in both the "great" and "unique" sense, because this is an extremely popular topic.
Sounds good, but in the last sentence you use the work immigrant/immigration three times and it starts to sound redundant. Maybe you could find another word to use? Not sure if there is one. maybe foreigner?
Good luck!!
A love of politics was planted in me at a young age, but it d id not have the opportunity to sprout. It was not until a few years after that memorable event, that this passion began to develop. Following my freshman year at L'amoureaux Collegiate, I found myself no longer situated in a familiar environment. I had immigrated to a foreign-yet not so foreign-country: the United States.
The first two sentences kind of contradict each other.
UC PROMPT 1 "Politics"
There are 2 more paragraphs that I would like to add about my experience with the subject and I am afraid that it will become too long. Please help me correct any grammar and spelling mistakes and give me suggestions as to how I can shorten this piece. Everyone's input and help will be much appreciated.
With three years remaining before I completed my secondary education, my family took the liberty to enroll me in the closest high school-or prison school, since schools in Las Vegas bared resemblance to criminal penitentiaries.
Overjoyed that the school was able to satisfy my desire, I jumped at the opportunity without having finished browsing the catalogue for other electives that were being offered to me.
It was much different compared to the other courses that I had taken , rather than just studying from the text book
and the exams questions that required not only critical thinking but almost two hours of non-stop writing.
But after my junior year had ended, I had an epiphany; it was the introduction of politics into the reading that changed my perspective of literature.
How has this shaped your world? I think you should focus more on what you learned in Mr. Olsen's class than what you did, more reflection. Im not a professional but hope i helped.
Sorry, I shouldve stated that I am doing the prompt for transfer students. Thanks for the correction on the grammar and comment.
Do you have any suggestion(s) as to how I can shorten my prompt? Anything I should take out?
any help?
Why do you focus on literature in the last sentence? Last sentence should nicely wrap up the thesis statement (related to politics).
