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My Love For puzzles, MIT Personality Essay - Feedback


linting2012 10 / 78 18  
Dec 18, 2012   #1
What attribute of your personality are you most proud of, and how has it impacted your life so far? This could be your creativity, effective leadership, sense of humor, integrity, or anything else you'd like to tell us about. (*) (200-250 words)

Frantically unwrapping my Christmas gift, I saw the box of the newest LONPOS pyramid puzzle. "Yes!" I shouted out of joy and immediately spent hours trying to solve the complex puzzles and filling in the solution booklet.

My love for puzzles had taught me many things. It taught me it is okay to give up for the day. As I am a human and more often than not, frustration will get me. However, tomorrow morning, I have to make sure to pick up the puzzle I threw away from frustration and continue solving it, because no puzzle is ever solved by giving up. My perseverance let me solved MĂŠnage Problem, whose closed form solution eluded mathematicians for over 40 years, using Graph Theory

It taught me to challenge myself, because there is no bigger satisfaction than solving problem I couldn't solve. This desire for challenges let me took on the hardest IB classes the school has to offer: Math HL, Physics HL, and Chemistry HL.

It also taught me to collaborate; sometimes puzzles are just too hard for one person's brain to handle. This let me form the C3L6 chemistry challenge group, where group members enter Skype chat until long past midnight solving the demanding chemistry problem every month.

Last of all it makes me fall in love with science and engineering, because, after all science and engineering are just bigger and harder puzzles waiting to be solved.

Puzzles had impacted me in many ways, however its most important lesson to me is this: have fun.

Hey guys thank you all so much for helping my previous essays, please look at this one too
ll931110 7 / 15 3  
Dec 19, 2012   #2
Even I'm a puzzle lover, but I feel your second version is way too much. I think you are listing too many puzzles without their actual meaning. "Show, don't tell". For example, without explanation or knowledge beforehand, how can I imagine TI-84 or C3L6 brings collaboration. Perhaps you may consider focusing more in your personality. Good luck!
Shoko0229 4 / 14 3  
Dec 19, 2012   #3
I love your essay! I was especially impressed by your first point, about throwing away for a time.
Your essay has some important points, but it has some gramatical mistakes.

a new idea on the TI-84 Puzzle Pack, all help ameliorate the harshness of a difficult problem, besides sometimes puzzles are just too hard for one person's brain to handle.

"besides" is not a conj. You have to use "and" instead, or separate this sentence into two.
And I can't really understand what you are trying to say by:

all help ameliorate the harshness of a difficult problem

to not dismiss even the most tangible idea

--> not to dismiss even the most tangible ideas

And here are my suggestions of wording.

My love for puzzles had taught me many things. It taught me it is okay to throw away the pyramid puzzle pieces from frustration. As I am a human and more often than not, frustration will get me.

This is kind of redundant. How about this:
My love for puzzles had taught me many things. I now know it is okay to throw away the pyramid puzzle pieces from frustration. As I am a human, frustration gets me sometimes.

This let me to form the C3L6 chemistry challenge group

--> This led me to...

Good luck!
ssaxena 1 / 5 1  
Dec 19, 2012   #4
Hi,
You have written a great essay. It does show how you have connected puzzle solving with the 'puzzles of life' ... And how small incidents where you demonstrated perseverance while solving the puzzles have inspired you to endure real-life situations... Still I feel there is some broken link between the two. Life and puzzle is like sky and sea... they do meet but you need to rightly guide the reader to take him towards the horizon so that he could feel the connect between your puzzle solving and how it has helped you !!

Hope it helps!!

PS:I would be glad if you help me in my essay too.
~Cheers,
SS
viraa 2 / 6  
Dec 22, 2012   #5
linting2012
A little grammar issues about. (try rewording your last line)
Otherwise its a really good essay. ps. the corrected 2nd version is better.
Good luck with your applications to MIT! i hope you get in :)


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