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My love for science; Harvard Common App


iaawicsdmwm 1 / 2  
Dec 24, 2012   #1
Can you give me some constructive criticism? I will do your essays too. I am applying to Harvard, Yale, Columbia, and Brown, so I'm just trying to get all the help that I can. Thank you very much in advance.

Prompt: Topic of Your Choice
Title: The Joy of Science [Not too sure about this one]

Kick. I thrust my leg forward, careful to compensate by leaning backwards. Push. I plant my foot into the ground and firmly press against the asphalt, increasing the speed of my wheels. Crouch. I bend down at the knees in order to give the springs in my legs a higher elastic potential energy. Pop. I send my leg straight into the concave of the plywood plank. Drag. I slide my right leg up the rough surface of the apparatus, relying on friction to bring me into the air. I am soaring; I've reached the maximum height of my parabolic trajectory. To finish it off, I land squarely on the bolts of my skateboard and bend my knees to absorb the normal force of the ground pushing up on me. Science exhilarates me.

Why else would I analyze the physics of an ollie (a skateboard jump)? Why else should I try to find an explanation for something that has no immediate importance in the grand scheme of the world? That the phenomena of our vast universe can be broken down from their wholes into the sums of their respective parts is awe-inspiring. Who cares about how black holes work? Why should we detail the human genome? These questions are asked continually about the sciences. However, science is much more than a problem-solving tool. It is, fundamentally, the basis of our knowledge. Though often viewed as a motor for innovation, it is also the tool by which we find the answers to our questions of "Why?" and "How?" During my junior year, I participated in a scientific experiment in freshwater ecology. I experienced a feeling of empowerment in scientific inquiry. The feeling that I was contributing to the main goal of science-knowledge-was truly amazing.

Science is universal. The mechanics of an ollie will be the same anywhere on Earth. The basic components are always the same. Kick, push, crouch, pop, and drag. A skateboarder doing an ollie, like anything else, is comprised of energy, force, and matter. All human bodies consist of organs, tissues, and cells. A carbon atom forms up to four bonds in Moscow as well as in Buenos Aires. For every chef, water boils at 100 degrees Celsius, regardless of whether he works at a ritzy coffee shop or volunteers at a soup kitchen for the homeless.

After I nail the ollie, I think about skateboarding and realize that it's all about science. Everything is all about science. In the end, our whole universe can be broken down into energy, force, and matter. Science allows me freedom to wonder, inspiration to discover, and a different point of view from which to see the world. Science is, in a word, beautiful. As I roll away to do the next trick, I smile.

What do you think?
painglintun 5 / 15 2  
Dec 24, 2012   #2
Before, reading my comments, I am personally not a great writer but i can give you some suggestions. I think your essay needs focus on your personal experience or achievements. Right now, it doesn't answer how you go interested or clearly depicts the joy you get. The essay is also broad especially the part on how you feel enjoyment about science. I like the part where you refer with your skateboard though. :D Hope this helps!
khld11 2 / 1  
Dec 24, 2012   #3
Liked the intro a lot!


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