This is one of the supplements for the University of Virginia - any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Please feel free to be as harsh as you want. thanks! Leave me a link and I'll be sure to return the favor :)
Describe the world you come from and how that world shaped who you are.
Sometimes love is all we have. My parents have always joked that upon first arriving in the United States from China, their single battered suitcase was filled with only a handful of dreams and a gallon of love. With only each other to depend on, they began building their new life step by slow step. I was born to two full time graduate students, so my grandparents made the voyage to America to take care of me. Both being professors, they never let my young mind go slack. Under their guidance, I solved jigsaw puzzles and learned math via cheerios throughout the day. But every night, when my parents came home, we'd all sit together on the battered couch in our tiny living room and just laugh. Years later, I realize that laughter is what kept our family together through the layoffs, the health problems, and arguments. Laughter is the common language in a diverse country. It is laughter that unites China and Latin America as my Hispanic friends teach me to dance bachata and merengue. It is laughter that allows me to enjoy injera with my Ethiopian friends. It is laughter that has made all the difference in my life, because when I laugh, I learn to love and appreciate. I don't dream of being a multimillionare with a hundred cars and houses, because it distracts from what really matters. At the end of the day, love is all we need.
Hi there!
Sometimes love is all we have.
I like this first sentence. simple yet powerful
they began building their new life slowly step by slow step
I was born to two full- time graduate students
There is a hyphen between full and time.
change "Both being professors" to "As they were both professors, my parents..."
But every night, when my parents came home, we'd all sit together on the battered couch in our tiny living room and just laugh.
Do you mean talk and laugh?
It seems that laughter is a big part of your essay. Maybe you could tie that into your opening sentence. You do a great job of reinforcing the idea of laughter in the following sentence with the joke.
Other than that, this is a well-written piece. I really enjoyed it!
Please look at my Cornell supplement
Sometimes love is all we have. My parents have always joked upon that when first arriving to the United States from China, their single battered suitcase was filled with only a handful of dreams and a gallon of love. With only each other to depend on, they began building their new life slowly step by step . I was born in the family of two full time graduate students, so my grandparents made the voyage to America to take care of me. Both being professors, they never let my young mind go slack. Under their guidance, I solved jigsaw puzzles and learned math via cheerios throughout the day. But every night, when my parents came home, we'd all sit together on the battered couch in our tiny living room and just laugh(I think that you need to write about your evenings more in details.) . Years later, I realize that laughter is what kept our family together through the layoffs, the health problems, and arguments. Laughter is the common language in a diverse country. It is laughter that unites China and Latin America as my Hispanic friends teach me to dance bachata and merengue. It is laughter that allows me to enjoy injera with my Ethiopian friends. It is laughter that has made all the difference in my life, because when I laugh, I learn to love and appreciate. I don't dream of being a multimillionare with a hundred cars and houses, because it distracts from what really matters. At the end of the day, love is all we need.
You can also talk about how there are a lot of crimes in the world happened because of love. From people caring for their beloved. Love is powerful. Everything comes back to love. We are fighting for so many things, in the end, all it matters is love. Something like that :) Good essay
