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"My love of writing - Growing as a writer": Transfer Essay for the Common App.


Grujic 1 / 1  
Mar 22, 2011   #1
I'm hoping to transfer to UVM this fall, I'd appreciate any comments of help or advice to make my essay stronger. Thank-you!!

**Please provide a statement (250 words minimum) that addresses your reasons for transferring and the objectives you hope to achieve.**

WRITER GROWTH

I have always been an avid reader, in fact when I was younger my mom had to actually ground me from reading because I would neglect doing my school work. My love of writing naturally grew from my fascination of the different wonders that these books exposed to me. I hope to one day be able to expose readers to whole new worlds just as Jane Austen, F. Scott Fitzgerald, and Emily Bronte have for me.Emmanuel has been a great stepping-stone when it comes to furthering me on the path of becoming a better writer, but I believe to truly succeed as a writer I need to be someplace where I will be challenged. I truly believe UVM is this place. Currently I am double majoring in English: literature and Political science: American Politics and Government Concentration. I have been taking classes for both majors and the professors I have worked with were wonderful people, who were truly devoted to what they taught. While I have enjoyed my classes, I feel that the classes rely too much on teaching from the book, and that not enough time is spent getting us to work with what we are being taught. I was very much impressed with how the English program at UVM doesn't simply focus on the writing aspect, but covers a wide range of different writing eras and genres. I believe that I can truly succeed at UVM.

Boston has been a very good experience for me; it has helped me to grow as a person and broadened my horizons. Since coming here for college I have been introduced to a variety of new people and cultures, and my view of the world has changed. I enjoyed that Emmanuel is such a small private school because it felt comfortable, I'm ready something bigger and that will allow me to interact with a lot more people.

Grade wise I have done well at Emmanuel, as my transcript should show. I believe that I can do just as well at UVM. I believe by transferring to UVM I will be introduced to many more academic opportunities, as well cultural opportunities. I love the feel of the close community that Burlington gives, with its local shops and events. UVM with its backdrop of Lake Champlain paint a beautiful picture in which I hope to grow not only as a writer, but as a person as well.

dcharlequin 1 / 2  
Mar 23, 2011   #2
So far Boston has been a very good experience for me;.iI t has helped me to grow as a person and broadened my horizons. Since coming here for college I have been introduced to a variety of new people and cultures., and mM y view of the world has changed. I enjoyedenjoy that Emmanuel is such a small private school, because it feltfeels comfortable,. I'm ready something bigger and thatwhich will allow me to interact with a lotmany more people.

Grade wise I have done well at Emmanuel, as my transcript should show. I believe that I can do just as wellI will be successful at UVM. I believe bB y transferring to UVM I will be introduced to many more academic opportunities, as welland cultural opportunities.I love the feel of the close community that Burlington gives, with its local shops and events.I love the close community feeling that Burlington has because of its local shops and events. UVM with its backdrop of Lake Champlain paint a beautiful picture in which I hope to grow not only as a writer, but as a person.as well.

You will one day be a great writer. It takes time and practice to become a great writer. Your style is more that of a creative writer, however for this type of essay the schools are looking for clear and concise writing. Avoid changing from present to past tense. Avoid run on sentences and extra wordiness. The schools have your transcript so do not mention it. Choose your words carefully. Nice job!
OP Grujic 1 / 1  
Mar 23, 2011   #3
Thank you very much for your help. I'm always being told to watch my tenses because I do have bad habit of changing back and forth between them; it's something I'm still working on! I'll make sure to watch my sentences as well. Thank you again for your input, it was very helpful!!
dcharlequin 1 / 2  
Mar 23, 2011   #4
I missed these the first time.

I'm ready for something bigger...

I will be successful at UVM.<-- this was said earlier in the essay and being redundant is not good. So take that second one out.

I am glad I was able to help you
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,335 129  
Mar 25, 2011   #5
Hi Grujic, I'm glad to have you here in the forum. You are the writer-type, aren't you?!

Let me try to help with "brevity," one of the most important skills of a writer:

I hope to one day be able to expose readers to whole new worlds just as ...

...to truly succeed as a writer I need to be someplace where I will be challenged. ---And you need to be a little eccentric! :-)

I truly believe UVM is this place. ---Need a more meaningful sentence here! This one does not qualify.

Capitalize all subjects or none... I like to capitalize none. literature and political science: American Politics and Government Concentration.

I believe that I can truly succeed at UVM.--- no good! Only include excellent sentences. :-) Use imagery words and action verbs.

Okay, I was not able to add much brevity, because you are already very efficient. I suggest describing your reasons for transfer in terms of the unique interests you have developed, and name the teacher's at this new school whose work you admire. You only deserve to attend the school if you have become familiar with the professors' articles, books, research.

You write very well!


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