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'I loved my church' - Common App MAIN


cupnoodle123 15 / 52  
Dec 25, 2011   #1
it's roughly 5?? wds ...Prompt: Significant experience and its impact on you, OR Describe an encounter and how it has demonstrated the importance of diversity to you. OR Topic of your choice

Yes, now ...yes

Thank you kind soul to comment on this:)


It was ironic that, though I loved my church and half my identity was formed there, the term I was uncomfortable with was "Christian." Because it was painted one color, a word too opaque to reveal how dynamic my faith made my life. Outside church, I almost hated terming myself "Christian", because of all it connoted. When I told non-Christians I was a Christian, it evoked the image of a girl, extreme, uptight, and lacking interests. Furthermore, being an Asian-American girl, who fit the stereotypical conservative character, did not provide means to help my friends at school understand my meaningful and adventurous life at church. Friends respected me and how my life was shaped by Christianity, but when I sometimes excused myself from an activity because of a church function, they might shake their heads and teasingly say, "Why are you so church-active?" When I was younger, I was taken aback by these reactions and kept my church life as more of an extracurricular than anything I would openly speak of in school. Only it puzzled me that though they shared with me common interests, senses of humor, and curiosity for the same stimulating subjects, they did not also take an interest in church as I did. Church stayed as my area and they were content to not look into it.

As I started to be more open-minded and truly curious of how my own friends saw Christianity, I was surprised by their ideas when they shared with me. Some were misconceptions, such as the ones I had had about them when I judged them to be completely adverse to forms of religion. At church, Pastor James told my youth group that people were in fact very open to philosophical ideas, it was human nature to be so; it was just a matter of our being willing to engage in mutual openness and let sharing start. I made the effort to respect my friends' opinions more while sharing my own truthfully and, to be honest, some of my friends were painfully philosophical, more so than me. My views centered on God as a loving father; theirs were their own creation, influenced by a father forsaking the home, or another experience, or just popular belief. Though I carried beliefs that could at least address some of their pressing issues and questions, I was sometimes still felt afraid to say them. I realized that what kept people from understanding dynamic Christianity was more my fear of being stereotyped as a goodie-goodie than their misunderstanding of me.

It was as I began to spend more time with my school friends outside of school, just for pleasure, and began to value them as I valued my church friends that communication freed up between us. After playing capture-the-flag with them at night at the Christmas party, and studying with them at Starbucks for hours for our Econ test, and patiently remaining on online chat to listen to their rants on emotional issues, we became genuine friends and not distant school friends with more differences than similarities. After that, we conversed about deeper topics and enjoyed one another's company. I am glad to discover that sharing begins with something I naturally enjoy very much: spending quality time to get to know others first.
ChihiroLavi 4 / 52  
Dec 25, 2011   #2
It's pretty good,I can't find anything wrong or awkward. If you really want some changes,I suggest you could balance how you feel before and how things change after because I feel the former one is a little too much. Anyway, I think it's good and with nothing change is still good.

Would you please look at my essays? THX!
rifatmursalin 13 / 36  
Dec 26, 2011   #3
It is okay, but you can make it superb by focusing on one encounter with your friends that changed it all. Instead of talking about playing games and studying for tests, focus on one event and elaborate. But, other than that, it pretty much plays the trick. It fits perfectly. Also, it'll be unique since most applicants use racial or economic diversity. Your usage of religious diversity would be great.
Ramo 2 / 11  
Dec 26, 2011   #4
"It was ironic that, though I loved my church and half my identity was formed there, the term I was uncomfortable with was "Christian. ";Because it was painted one color..."

A semicolon is often substituted for the world "because" since you are expanding on a current idea. The period you had beforehand makes it an awkward sentence.

"As I started to be more open-minded and truly curious of how my own friends saw Christianity, I was surprised by their ideas when they shared with me " (this phrase is redundant).

"...it was human nature to be so; it was just a matter of our being willing"

"It was as I began to spend more time with my school friends outside of school , just for pleasure, and began to value them as I valued my church friends that communication freed up between us."

I think it's a great essay. It adds a lot of dimension to your candidacy and the lesson here doesn't apply solely to religion. It shows that you are a strong and independent student who is capable of making decisions for herself. Awesome job! If you have time I'd really appreciate if you could check out my Yale Supplement. If you're busy I completely understand.
OP cupnoodle123 15 / 52  
Dec 26, 2011   #5
Psshhh, I'm not too busy to check yours...thanks for the comments too by the way, and for yours too, Rifat Murs. :)

Also...uh, do you think this essay would better go under 1)"Significant experience and its impact on you" or 2)"Describe an encounter and how it demonstrated the importance of diversity" or 3)"Topic of your choice"

THanks for your time :)
articuno 1 / 16  
Dec 26, 2011   #6
Very well written essay ^^. To answer your question, I would personally choose 3) Topic of your choice simply because it isn't a single experience nor an encounter; plus number three is simply a very safe bet all around haha.

If you could, could you take a look at my two listed Stanford essays? :0
OP cupnoodle123 15 / 52  
Dec 26, 2011   #7
Thanks, ya I feel Topic of Choice is more fitting because of that too:)

Um do you know if I have to make up a prompt for the topic of choice? Or give it a speccial title so people undersatnd what the topic of choice is?

Sure I can read yours too! :D
articuno 1 / 16  
Dec 26, 2011   #8
I don't think so; the admissions committee should be able to tell what your main idea is through your writing ^^. Plus, the job a of "prompt" is for someone to give someone else some room to establish certain guidelines to a paper, while also giving room for them to write in it. Since you are the sole writer, it would be redundant for you to give yourself a prompt :P And a title is up to you -- Titles can certainly be nice touches!
OP cupnoodle123 15 / 52  
Dec 26, 2011   #9
:DD okay thanks
but sry..i also kinda looked it up...most ppl do add their own prompts, I guess to give readers an idea of where they are heading...in any case, it only helps/doesn't hurt

But thanks for answer anywaysss :) As for title, I'll consider it :)


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