Hi, Im applying at the Fashion Institute of Technology, Im in my 30's and I've decided to go back to school. First let me say Im a terrible writer, I've known that all my life and now I have to write 4 essays as part of the admissions processes. Pretty much my worst nightmare. Anyway, my grammar is also terrible and since I've been out of school for so long I've forgotten everything about proper sentence structure and when to begin a new paragraph.
This is what my 1st essay is on: Why are you interested in the major you are applying to? What makes you a perfect candidate for FIT? Tell about experiences, activities and accomplishments. No more than 750 words.
As I said, I cant write. Please, I would really appreciate it if somebody would correct my grammatical errors or maybe if you think I should word something differently. I change anything. Thank you!
When I was a teenager I loved looking at photographs, I especially developed a fascination for black and white photography and I particularly loved the work of Ansel Adams and Alfred Stieglitz. I begged my parents to buy me a cheap little film camera and some black and white film and I started going around the house and my back yard photographing everything. I took eventually took my camera on our yearly family trips to Madrid and thinking that my pictures would turn out like Adam's and Stieglitz's, that didn't exactly happen. I realized that I had to actually study and practice, a lot, the ins and outs of photography.
Throughout my teenage years I read up on photography, started learning about ISO, shutter speed and Aperture. At the same time I started obsessing over fashion and becoming familiar with various designers. I subscribed to all the popular fashion magazines and started buying old vintage Vogue's from my local thrift store. This is how I discovered fashion photography greats like Richard Avedon, Irving Penn, Lillian Bassman and Norman Parkinson. I went out and bought books about their lives so I can learn about them and study their photographs. At this point I hadn't thought of photography as a career yet, it was only a hobby, but when my dad bought film transitioned from film to digital that's when I became more serious about photography. I confiscated the camera and started going around my city photographing the beaches and the Art Deco style buildings of Miami, nothing was more fun for me than being able to take hundreds of pictures and then going back and analyzing what I shot and figuring out why it did or didn't work. It was with a lot of trial and error did my photography improve. After I graduated from high school I wasn't sure what I wanted to do with photography so I attended a community college and majored in Fashion Merchandising and at the same time I continued photographing and learning about the process.
Fashion Merchandising turned out to be very and I hated working in retail stores, I longed to do something more creative and fun, something that I unfulfilling would enjoy doing for the rest of my life. I started thinking about and researching how I could combine fashion and photography. I knew that I loved fashion magazines, and what I loved about them in particular were the layouts, and enjoyed seeing a really great collage. I always wondered who the person that puts the layouts together is. Who finds the runway pictures used in a collage? I then realized the perfect job for me would be at a fashion editorial working in the photo/art department. I knew that the only way to get out of retail and finally have my dream occupation was by going back to school.
I love photography because I enjoy capturing a beautiful moment frozen in time, I'm always looking for something new to photograph and I also enjoy editing photographs to either improve on what I've taken or to create something totally new and different. Photography is my creative outlet and something that I want to explore and perfect even further. When I made my decision to go back to school I researched many schools in NYC and FIT has everything I'm looking for, an AA degree program, a stellar reputation and an internship program which I'm very eager to do. I'm a very hardworking and dedicated person and I'm confident that what I learn at FIT will help me achieve my goal of working at a fashion publication.
I took eventually took my camera on our yearly family trips to Madrid and thinking that my pictures would turn out like Adam's and Stieglitz's, that didn't exactly happen. Re-word this sentence: Eventually, I took my camera on family trips to Madrid, expecting my photos to turn out like Adam's and Stieglitz's, but that didn't exactly happen.
I realized that I had to actually study and practice, a lot, the ins and outs of photography. Remove "a lot"
At this point I hadn't thought of photography as a career yet, it was only a hobby, but when my dad bought film transitioned from film to digital that's when I became more serious about photography. Re-structure this sentence, but keep the same content.
I confiscated the camera and started going around my city photographing the beaches and the Art Deco style buildings of Miami,... This is a very long sentence, I would split it into 2 shorter sentences.
After I graduated from high school I wasn't sure what I wanted to do with photography so I attended a community college and majored in Fashion Merchandising and at the same time I continued photographing and learning about the process. This sounds like you are rambling, simplify and shorten this into 2 sentences, perhaps.
Fashion Merchandising turned out to be very and I hated working in retail stores, I longed to do something more creative and fun, something that I unfulfilling would enjoy doing for the rest of my life. This sentence is unclear.
You are saying all of the right things, you just need to work on your grammar a bit. Remember to advertise yourself to the college as a person with a plan... that you have short-term and long term goals. Good luck in school!
Thank you so much for helping me!
About this part: After I graduated from high school I wasn't sure what I wanted to do with photography so I attended a community college and majored in Fashion Merchandising and at the same time I continued photographing and learning about the process. And you said " This sounds like you are rambling, simplify and shorten this into 2 sentences, perhaps."
Does this sound better?
Unsure of what I wanted to do with photography, I decided to study fashion and majored in Fashion Merchandising at my local community college. However, I continued to photograph as much as possible and learning about the process.
Provide a little bit of imagery for the reader. Write something about your development from an amateur photographer to a good one and compare it to the transition of a photo from a negative in a dark room to the vivid colourful final photo.
