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'They loved it and recommended it' Why are you considering the ohio state university?


osu2010 1 / 1  
Nov 3, 2009   #1
College is a huge step in life with challenges to overcome and a new atmosphere. Which college I choose is one of the biggest decisions I am going to make. College determines partially your future based on how successful you remain during the course of it; meaning you want to pick a college where you believe you will be successful. That college for me is OSU.

Most of my peers are confused as to which college they want to attend, but not me. My freshman English teacher gave us a list of colleges with some information and since then OSU has been my top pick. There is no other school I want to attend, no other school I am capable of seeing myself at. I have been to the university many times and have asked many questions, so I already feel familiar and comfortable there. The main reason I have been there so many times is because I had surgery at the OSU Medical Center just recently. This gave me the opportunity to talk to my nurses and my surgeon about how well they enjoyed their college experience at OSU. They all said they loved it and highly recommend attending, so that sealed the deal. Therefore I have the most knowledge about OSU compared to other colleges considered. Also many colleges I considered don't offer my major, Medical Technology. Unlike other colleges that are not as student-oriented, OSU has many organizations that I want to get involved in.

College is said to be the best years of your life, accompanied with learning, growing and preparing for your future. Thus I want the college I attend to be a superior one. I want to enjoy these years and I know that the only university that would fulfill my ideal would be Ohio State.

please help me im so nervous about my essays and i have so much to say but i don't know how to say it! help me please!
Vulpix - / 71  
Nov 3, 2009   #2
"College is a huge step in life for me and which college I choose is one of the biggest decisions I am going to make. College determines the rest of your life based on how successful you remain during the course of it. Meaning you want to pick a college you believe you would be successful, that college for me is OSU."

Perhaps you want to address the reasons why college is a "huge step in life"- challenges to overcome? A new environment to encounter? Are you the first person in your family to go to college?

Also, your second sentence ("college determines the rest of your life") is a bid of a loaded statement. Many people are successful without going to college, and many others are successful even if they dropped out of college or did not do well in their college classes. Be careful about making such broad generalizations!

And finally, the first part of your third sentence ("Meaning you want [...] be successful") is grammatically incorrect. It would be better to attach it to your third sentence ("College determines [...] the course of it, meaning you want to [...]).

Overall, you frequently mention your enthusiasm for OSU throughout the essay, but I feel like you could spend more time addressing the reasons for your preference.

"My freshman English teacher gave us a list of colleges with some information and since then OSU has been my pick."
What exactly made you decide on OSU so early on? What about the school stood out to you?

"I have been to the university itself many times and have asked many questions, I already feel so familiar and comfortable there."
Get rid of the word "itself", which is redundant, and add a "so" between "questions" and "I" ([...] asked many questions, so I [...]) to join your two independent clauses.

"OSU, in addition, has many organizations I would love to get involved in; most other colleges aren't as student associated as OSU."

This sentence is extremely awkward. It would probably be better to rephrase it as "Unlike other colleges that are not as student-oriented, OSU has many organizations that I want to get involved in."
OP osu2010 1 / 1  
Nov 4, 2009   #3
College is a huge step in life with challenges to overcome and a new atmosphere. Which college I choose is one of the biggest decisions I am going to make. College determines partially your future based on how successful you remain during the course of it. Meaning you want to pick a college you believe you would be successful, that college for me is OSU.

Most of my peers are confused as to which college they want to attend, but not me. My freshman English teacher gave us a list of colleges with some information and since then OSU has been my pick.( i still dont know how i should word this?)

There is no other school I want to attend, no other school I am capable of seeing myself at.
( should i delete this sentence?)

thanks for all your help!


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