Common App Personal Essay Prompt: Some students have a background, identity, interest, or talent that is so meaningful they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story.
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The first time I fell in love with a museum, I was in fifth grade. It was a traveling exhibit of Monet's best works at The Cincinnati Art Museum. Standing in front of Monet's water lilies as a wonderstruck fifth grader, my love of learning was born. Over the years, museums have allowed my curiosity and sense of wonder to develop outside of the classroom. The idea of a place dedicated to exploration and celebration of art and history has always been magical to me. It seemed that museums captured this idealistic world of learning and beauty. Museums gave me the opportunity to discover what I love. Museums showed me how captivating history can be and soon all I wanted was to become familiar with every little mystery and story. It was like history was the greatest book I'd ever read and museums were a grand extension of the story. I grew up holding on to this notion and it wasn't until I volunteered at a museum that this idea shifted and I saw museums from a different perspective.
The summer between my sophomore year and junior year of high school, I wrote an email to the volunteer coordinator at the Walt Disney Family Museum in hopes of securing a spot as a volunteer while I was in San Francisco for five weeks. It had been my dream to live in a big city and work at a world class museum and I saw this as the perfect opportunity to get a glimpse into what that might be like. It was a big step forward in my love affair with museums.
The first few volunteer shifts, I was stuck in a state of awe. Even though I spent the majority of the time pointing guests in the direction of the bathroom, I fell in love with it. It was only when I was assigned to lead a group of middle schoolers through the exhibits that I began to doubt the magic of museums. It wasn't the fact that their group was late. Nor was it the flippant comments they directed at me. I was mad because I watched these kids skip through the entire museum like it wasn't the treasure trove of art that I knew it was. I saw these kids as deviants and ungrateful as if they were somehow lower than me because they couldn't appreciate the art in front of them. The reality of the situation was that they actually couldn't appreciate it. Many of the children, I realized, had never been to a museum before. They had come from an inner city school and it was likely that their parents didn't put much emphasis on school to the extent that mine did. The opportunities that I have had - to visit world class museums and explore cities across the country - wasn't something that everybody had.
Since then, I have looked into various museum access programs for kids who would not otherwise get the opportunity to visit a museum. After my time volunteering, museums became more than the image of a grecian bust against a white wall. Museums became a symbol of opportunity for children to further their curiosity and education just like I had. After many hours of volunteer work at the Walt Disney Family Museum and the Fairhope Museum of History, I have decided to chase my dream of working in museums. I want to pursue a career in Museum Studies because I want to be able to give other kids the almost-magical feeling of discovering something you're passionate about. By volunteering at these museums, I was able to give others the experience that I had as a kid. And by pursing a career in museum studies, the opportunities to share this special experience will only grow.
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Any feedback would be greatly appreciated. Thank you in advance :)
Audrey, the discussion that you have presented in this essay does not really present a side of your personality to the reviewer that can help him to get to know you better. You presented something moire in line with the development of your interest in museums instead of presenting your background, quality, or trait that will offer him an idea of the kind of person you are and the possible type of student that you will be once you are admitted into the university as a regular student.
Try to think of who you are as a person or how other people see you. What do you think it is about you or your background that other people would be surprised to know about you? Is this something that you cannot present regarding your person in any other common essay app prompt? If it is an interesting facet of your personality, development as a person, or a unique experience in your life that you feel will help the reviewer understand who you are more, then you have found the right topic for your response.
At the moment, the discussion you presented and the story that accompanies it sounds more like it should placed in the prompt about how your interest in a specific field or major developed. It is definitely not something about your background, character, trait, or non-academic interest. Try to present something about the other side of your personality instead. Try to let the reviewer who you are and what you enjoy beyond the academics. This is the prompt that asks you to relax and just talk about yourself and other things of interest to you. Take advantage of it because it helps define your whole personality within your application package.
Hi there!
Looks like you have captured the background and interest aspects. Identity and talent are also a part of the prompt, and it'd be great if you can write a little about your strengths (for instance: patience to answer queries, people skills, etc.), and traits that are basic to pursue a career in Museology.
Also, mentioning how you overcame challenges (if any, during your course of volunteering), will help the reader better understand and assess your capability in handling real-life situations.
Hope this helps.
Audrey, I believe museum studies has something to do with history, I'm just not sure what it's called as I'm no expert in this side of studies. :)
I read through you essay and from what the prompt asked you to do, I believe you started quiet good but you somehow went to a different direction,
it almost sounded like a different prompt altogether.You have to maintain the direction of the essay, regardless of the part of focus, such as the body or the end of the essay, you have to make sure that it all corresponds to the prompt and answer it accordingly.
I would also like you to focus on the details that you elaborated on the essay, some of the information such as how you spend your summer, is not quiet necessary for the overall purpose of the essay.
This normally happen when you write and you lost track of what you are writing about but don't fret this is normal and you will improve in time.
I hope my insights help and when you the revision, post it here on EF so we can assist you further.
Thank you for your feedback! I wanted to include the details to show what contributed to such a big epiphany/shift of perspective for me but I can see how that led the essay off focus. I kind of took the prompt very loosely and I see now how that weakened my essay. Thank you again!
hello
I have read your essay and I feel many things are missing in it like here you don't talk about museums history, museum types, what is the main purpose of museums? now a days what are career opportunities in museums etc.
Here you just talked about your experiences.
Great essay, you have some great material!
"It was like history was the greatest book I'd ever read and museums were a grand extension of the story "-- this is a great line!
They had come from an inner city school and it was likely that their parents didn't put much emphasis on school to the extent that mine did. The opportunities that I have had - to visit world class museums and explore cities across the country - wasn't something that everybody had. -- this is based on a strong and somewhat touchy assumption, be careful.
take a look at mine!
Audrey, when writing an essay, specially if you have been dictated a prompt to follow, it's always a good practice to write and start an idea in your head,
draft as much as you can so you will see how your writing evolved from your first writing piece towards your recent one. When you are convinced that you did one good piece, proof read and ask yourself, did I answer the prompt?, is this what the prompt is asking me to write?, or is this the right answer that I want to present to the panel as an answer.
When reading your essay, put yourself in the shoes of the admission panel and you will have a clear head to see if this is a good enough essay or a clear shot to a spot in the course. This is also a good practice that you can apply in all writing pieces that you will do in the future, treat yourself as the third person who will cricize your essay on a different perspective.
Anyhow, you did good in your work and I hope to see more of your writing pieces here on EF, i wish you good luck!
hai.. let me give you some advice
For me your essay it's good telling your story, but please read this advices
Audrey you should write you personal and try to explain it. i think you can write about personal identity and why people should surprised about you such as unique experience, background, your achievement that it will make people understand. it can improve you essay.
thankyou :)
