Describe an obstacle in your life and the skills/resources you used to resolve it
Any tips to make my essay better? Grammar help would be awesome too!
When one thinks of hardships in life, one often only considers the external conflicts faced. It is easy to overlook the threat that obstacles within pose. How can anyone function normally when they are fighting an inner battle with their own self? Low self esteem and insecurity are common many children growing up and it's effects are constantly underrated. Stemming from growing up an introvert in a family full of outgoing personas, I slowly withdrew from any social activities due to a sense that I wasn't good enough. And while my parents were as accepting and supporting as they could be, it could not phase the pressure I put on myself to meet certain standards that I perceived were expected of me.
When middle school rolled around, the most trivial, rocky, and developmental time of them all, any confidence I had left was torn away by particularly cruel classmates. I began being known as the "girl who didn't talk." It was as if every day I was being told to speak up and be more talkative. Unnecessary teasing made my insecurity worse and made me feel as if there was something inside me needing to be fixed. I was made to feel guilty for wanting time alone rather than desiring to be surrounded by people. I felt paralyzed with insecurity in every situation i was faced with, especially at school. Before any presentation or mandatory gathering, I was left shaking and almost in tears. I was left helpless, feeling as if i would never change.
It wasn't until high school came around that I decided I needed to work on myself, not for anyone else, solely for my happiness. I finally made the decision that I didn't want to go through anymore of my young years in a self-made prison of insecurity. The summer before school started, I slowly started practicing being more social, whether it be paying at the cashier or complimenting a stranger. Each time an activity got easier, I would assign myself a more difficult one. By the end of the summer, I had transformed into a functioning and social teenager. I shocked myself with how capable I was all long to communicate with others without being terrified of how i would mess it up. I taught myself to grow into a confident and independent women. When the little shy girl occasionally shines through, I remember how hard i worked to turn my life around and change myself for the better.
Hello, I can help you with your essay. As I was reading it, I thought you had a good opening paragraph. I will try to help you make any improvements.
Here is a suggestion for your question: "How can anyone function normally when an internal struggle exists?" The next two sentences may need to be joined together better. Ex: "For example, low self esteem and insecurity are common among many children growing up, and its effects are constantly underrated."
I am going to suggest changing the word choice. Change personas to personalities. Also, change a sense to feeling. The next sentence change supporting to supportive. Instead of using phase, you could use end.
The 2nd paragraph, I would begin the sentence with: "When I began middle school, the most trivial..." Delete began being and change it to was. Remember to capitalize "I".
The 3rd paragraph change the first sentence: "It wasn't until I entered high school that I decided I needed to work on myself, not for anyone else but solely for my own happiness." Do you mean your practice involved greeting a cashier because you may have little to no social interaction while paying? Change got easier to "became easier". Towards the end of this paragraph, you should delete this portion of your sentence: "I shocked myself with how capable I was all long to communicate with others without being terrified of my mistakes how i would mess it up ." The last sentence remember to capitalize "I".
This was a very heartfelt essay. There were some minor errors but the meaning was very clear.
- ...one often only considers the external conflicts faced.
- Low self esteem and insecurity are common to many children growing up
- ...if there was something inside me needingneeded to be fixed.
- ...rather than desiringhaving the desire to be surrounded by people.
- ...not for anyone else, but solely for my happiness.
- ...through anymore of my young years in amy self-made prison of insecurity.
- I shocked myselfwas shocked with how capable
- I was all a long to communicate
- ...confident and independent womenwoman .
Congratulations to a new you. Confidence is one thing that will hinder you from a lot of things that you are so capable of doing, so, be yourself, work on yourself and aim higher and I hope my remarks on your essay helps.
