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lower income communities- the factors that influenced your decision to choose nursing

Iana 1 / -  
Jun 27, 2012   #1
My dream on becoming a nurse started with me becoming a mom. That was a remarkable day for me; I remember it like it was yesterday: the squeaky clean floors, halls with beautiful pictures on the walls and me walking in those halls. I was so scared, the pain was enormous - I didn't know what to do. It was just me and my husband - no close family, no experience with kids. We were young and scared, we needed help and help came I remember that nurse, her compassion, warm smile. She was ready to help any moment I needed her. This nurse went above her required duties and cared for me not only physically, but emotionally and mentally. I had the great doctor, but this nurse became a hero for me. Observing an importance of nurse's role in the patient's life influenced me to serve others. From that day I knew one day I will become a nurse.

I know that the career I have chosen has its advantages and disadvantages. I realize that being a nurse is hard work, not only physically, but emotionally. Nurses are needed 24 hours. Nursing career can be very stressful and I am ready for that. This career is very challenging and rewarding at the same time. Being a nurse means make someone's life a little bit brighter. For me become a nurse is not just getting a degree, it is passion to help others. Another benefit of being nurse is you have a wide variety of places to work as a nurse. You can work in the hospitals, clinics, schools and other places. A nurse plays a very important role in health care industry.

When I will become a nurse I want to serve lower income communities, especially I want to work with young mothers. I know how hard it is to be a mom with lower socio-economic background. I want to be there for people who will need my help, Not just physically, but emotionally too. I believe that a good example can change lives. I believe I can help people not just be healthier, but be happier and have a hope. I am committed to work hard.

If I will help to make someone's life a little bit better, I believe, my life will have a great purpose.

Opara 1 / 14  
Jun 27, 2012   #2
My dream of(not on) becoming a nurse started when I became a mother.

We needed help(add a comma), and help came (period).

But this nurse became my hero.

Nursing career can be very stressful and I'm ready for that. (HOW DO WE KNOW THAT?) add an anecdote here.
Being a nurse means making someones...

For me, becoming a nurse...

Well, well.. I get your point but I got bored soon. Your essay is just expository. Who doesn't know who a nurse is? Or what a nurse does and where he/she goes to?

Turn your essay to a descriptive(afterall it's what the prompt requested), narrative type. So it can tie my eyes down. Intensely describe the actions of the nurse that affected you. Make me feel them too.

Strenghten your opening and last sentences. They are flat. You just can do better than this.

PS: I DIDN'T MEAN TO BE HARSH. I was just trying to help you polish your essay. GOODLUCK WITH YOUR ESSAY,FRIEND. Hope to see the rewritten version!

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