Should lower secondary school students play video games?

Video games make good kids evil

In the age of highly-developed technology,there is no doubt that it brings back a variety of advantages for people.But many people have imposed on technology for their rotten purposes.In that there are students who often use the Internet to plays games which brings about terrible results for them in the future.

First and foremost, some game which they play for a long time makes them addicted.From that,they give up their studies to spend too much time playing them.that is why their learning progress becomes worse.

Secondly,if they want to play games,they must buy cards which as i know is quite expensive.And they are students,they don't have enough money unless their parents give them.At that time,they steal its from the others and they become criminal.Someone has a horror of them.

Finally, they don't get on well with everyone.Because they have the passion for playing games,they reduce to keep in touch with someone and turn into uncomfortable and bad-tempered person, they only concern themselves with virtual world.

To summarize, students should not play video games to prevent themselves from evil things.

- "... use the Internet to plays games ..." S/V "play"

- "some game which ... makes them ..." Pl and S/V "some games", "make"
- "that is why ..." Cap "That"
- "...,they must buy cards which as i know is quite expensive" - I think you should change to "they tend to buy...", "apparently", "in my knowledge" to replace "as I know". Your sentence makes me feel weird.

- "They don't get" do not write "don't" write "do not" in the essay.

General:
- Your essay has lots of faults, please read and check again.
- After point or commas give a space
- Be carefull with capital words, sometime you forget