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"that this is the lowest price" - my short essay of the common app


MrJ /  
Oct 18, 2009   #1
This is the first vision of my short essay, please help me to revise this essay. Thanks a looooot!

"I am sorry that this is the lowest price" I said straight and regrettable to the client. That was my first experience as a saleswoman. I have long been thinking of having my own business. Since I did not have enough money to pursue my dream, I decided to start my career at my school, selling my old things at the campus every noon. Luckily, after the long negotiation with my landlord, I got his promise that I can just borrow the house, which means I can save at least 5000RMB each month! I know that start a business is not the hardest thing of being a shopkeeper, but keeping the shop make profit is. By now, my shop has been there for four month, and I am sure that I will keep this shop until the day I go to America for better education as my new dream.

Suspended for ignoring the thread title rules.
tsunami 1 / 17  
Oct 19, 2009   #2
To first proofread this, we must check the grammar. I said "regrettably"
"I know that starting a business"
And then I don't understand what "but keeping the shop make profit is" means.
"Four months" should be plural!
OP MrJ /  
Oct 19, 2009   #3
tsunami
Oh~ thanks a lot, I have just revised these grammar problwms. But how was the subject of this eaasy?
zealzou 11 / 54  
Oct 19, 2009   #4
Maybe the common is using this topic to ask you an activity that is important for us, not only in material (such as making money), but also in spirit...so I think maybe you can write more than just stating how much the shop had earned...

Just personal view~


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