Hey guys! I would really appreciate it if you would all take a look at one of my short essays for the Stanford supplement. Tell me if there are any parts that don't seem to flow or aren't written as well as they should. Thanks!
Prompt: Stanford students are widely known to possess a sense of intellectual vitality. Tell us about an idea or an experience you have had that you find intellectually engaging.
Subject: Lucid Dreaming
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In 1980, Stephen LaBerge of Stanford proved the existence of a rare sleep phenomenon and changed the study of oneirology forever. Lucid dreaming, a situation in which an individual consciously realizes that they are experiencing a dream, is one of the most fascinating happenings that can occur as one rests. This state of mind has inspired me, both in my thought life and my writing, as it is an order in which anything is possible.
While taking part in a lucid dream, participants may be faced with many positive aspects of this condition. For instance, in a normal dream, we are convinced that our visions are reality. Thus, should you encounter a ravenous monster in your sleep, you would be overcome with anxiety as you attempt to escape the creature for fear of your life. Yet in a lucid dream, you could just as easily befriend or enslave this beast. Lucid dreaming allows a sense of security in that the dreamer knows that there is no actual danger in such an occurrence. Given a chance, at transcendence we gain the ability to alter that which we normally could not. It is this freedom which makes the idea so inspiring to me.
It is as Francis Church said in his famous editorial, "There is a veil covering the unseen world which not the strongest man could tear apart." Yet what happens if we do not attempt to shed this curtain? What if we merely accept it, close our eyes, and allow ourselves to fall through it? Where then shall we find ourselves? In lucid dreaming, by accepting this invisible world and seeing it through the mind's eye, we allow thoughts to collide and visions to appear. We allow new worlds to form within our heads which we may freely manipulate. No longer bound by the laws of reason and logic, we are allowed to take part in the ultimate form of escapism.
Yet in a lucid dream, andan individual could just as easily befriend or enslave this beast.
Lucid dreaming allows a sense of security in that the dreamer in that he knows that there is no actual danger from the occurrence. He is also given a chance at transcendence and the ability to alter that which he normally could not.
I'd keep it gender neutral with "a person" or "we"
How about tell it as if you have experienced a lucid dream? Very interesting topic nonetheless. Take my comments as suggestions. good luck
Return the favor and read my essay please.
In all honesty, this essay is rather weak. You don't really answer the prompt.
I understand that the essay about lucid dreaming answers the "idea that you find intellectually engaging." However, you only talk about the idea of a lucid dream. What about this intrigues you? Did it get you thinking? Have you had a lucid dream? In answering the question, you want to discuss the idea, but moreover you want to explain what effect this idea (or experience) has had on YOU, the applicant.
No doubt the essay is well written. However, it doesn't answer the prompt.
Yeah... I agree that it doesn't really answer it... The limit made it really difficult... I didn't really know how to keep it down to 1800 characters... Thanks for the help...
I have made a few edits to it, but it was hard to do without rewriting because it was impossible to go over the 1800 character limit... If there was no limit I'd have no problem talking about everything I'd like to get out but... oh well... I think this might give a little more insight on my role in this idea...
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This is fascinating stuff...
I think your thesis sentence is well-developed, but it still could be improved: This state of mind has inspired me, both in my thought life and my writing, as it is an order in which anything is possible. ------ when you say this, it makes me think you are suggesting that "anything is possible" because we might soon wake up from life to realize it is of the same nature as a dream... if this is what you mean, you should explain with one more sentence added to the intro.
